Can I just talk about monotony? Here I am a mere four months into my new life as a housewife and here's a confession: I was getting whiffs of boredom. It wasn't a full-on stench, more like the feeling that some days were permeated with a slightly off-feeling. I am not sure why; on paper my life is a series of lovely events and for the first time in years there are fewer worries about things like careers or money. How fortunate! But the relentlessness of the day to day started to get to me. One of the perks of being devoted full time to your children's life is that you can take on any commitment. You can say 'yes' to all the things that you said 'no' to when you were working. You can be there. Isn't the modern elixir of life, to 'be there'? Well I was so well and truly there that it was starting to suck me into a vortex of commitments that were theirs and not my own. I realised that I have to keep an eye on what I need as well as what they need.
The most perplexing bit though was knowing what I did need. A stimulating job? No longer. An active social life? Hard to achieve when you spend a fair amount of time alone. A small business? So much easier said than done. A fitness regime? It kinda felt like climbing a mountain; it's amazing to me how hard it is to maintain fitness. I train a few times a week but still, any fitness I managed would slip away so quickly the moment I skipped a session. And then I would think - ugh Lou, you're in a downward spiral and you need to step it up and sort it out and generally get a grip. And so I did.
I've learnt that this is how life goes. I must have written that twenty times in recent years, here on this blog. And the kind readers who comment and gee me on say resolutely: YES, this is how life goes!
This blog is four years old this month. Who'd have thought??!! I write it like I am talking to an old friend. I can't help myself. I do wonder what on earth I would do if the Internet stopped working? Or if all the blog posts that I have ever written disappeared into the ether? I can recognise every photo I have ever posted and by now there must be hundreds and hundreds; thousands even? Furtively, real-life friends who are in the know read this blog and get antsy when I don't update it. Blog friends text me and say 'I've been thinking about you' or 'I saw this and thought of you' and I think to myself how strange it is that we can be so connected and in such a wonderful way. Funny how it goes.
It's January and I quite like that. My resolutions? They are the same as everyone else:
Eat well.
Sleep more.
Be kind.
Think before I act.
Quiet the noise.
Take time.
Be me.
Chill out.
Grow my hair.
And all that jazz...
Oh and...stop feeling jealous of the beautiful people.
Get a decent wok.
Shop less, well, I mean buy less stuff.
Appreciate more.
Live it, don't think it.
Stop over-analysing 'Homeland'. Brody gone? Seriously?!
Get more pedicures.
It's my 40th year - go easy on myself.
Do my best.
My blog turns FIVE this month. Still can't believe I've stuck with it this long. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Lou.
ReplyDeleteBecause of your disposition, you will never be totally happy with your lot, whatever it is !!!! It can't be helped ….. it is because of your intelligence and figittiness { is that a word ?!! } that you question everything and think that there is something better and more fulfilling going on somewhere else !! That's not a bad thing as you will always be looking for the best senario. Having said that, I have probably made myself out to be unintelligent, as I have always been happy with my lot !! haha
My blog is five years old this June …….. I've loved every minute of it and have met some lovely people. Like you, I think that I remember every image that I have used. Your blog is brilliant and I love reading it …. you are so honest which is really refreshing. I really hope that you don't think that I ever question what you do …… I don't have any answers …. all I know is what has happened to me and I can just say what the twenty years that I have on you, have taught me…. doesn't mean that it's right but it can give you a different slant on things …..maybe !!!!
You will do your best and, I do believe that you will fulfill all of your resolutions.
Happy, happy New Year Lou …. may 2014 be filled with many wonderful times for you and your family. It's gonna be a GREAT year. XXXXX
Okay I know you wrote about a lot of stuff here but the first thing I must say is - HOMELAND! I couldn't believe it when they killed Brody! I am still upset! and it was weeks ago. Even now I will say "I can't believe Brody's dead" at random times. I know that I am a lame romantic, but I wanted to see their love story! Boo :(
ReplyDeleteI like your list of resolutions although I haven't specifically made any this year (although I did think that perhaps I should stop being so critical of my body and obsessing over my thighs, hehe). As for the monotony ... I know what you mean. I think that we are both the sorts of people who will always question most things and wonder whether we're doing ok with wherever we're at. But it's just who we are :) and all we can do is perhaps hope to temper in some way or another. As you say, it's how life goes ... xox
Oh, oops, and also - happy new year :)
DeleteHappy New Year sweetie ~ so glad you had a good trip even with the sickness. There is nothing worse than being sick is being sick away from home and all your stuff. As we start out 2014 with that blank page most of us have similar goals ~ it's all about health and happiness isn't it. Your 40th year will be awesome after all it is the new 30! I so love coming to visit you ~ your words sometimes make me think and always make me smile. xo
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Lou. I think that you question your life because you are constantly EVOLVING. If you were stagnant and drifting you would never ask questions of yourself. I think it's good. It makes us move forward and not remain complacent. I have friends who just "exist" and I would never want to be like that and I am pretty sure you wouldn't either. I went on the train to central London on the 2 Jan and EVERYONE looked so sad and miserable. At that moment I just thanked God that I am still a "corporate refugee"; gratitude that I don't have someone dictate to me when my holidays finished, what time I must get up in the morning, when my next holiday will be etc etc. This is a special year for you Lou so just savor every single day.
ReplyDeletep.s was also shocked by Homeland. I was really surprised no-one leaked the ending in the media or one of the social media platforms. I had to watch the ending twice I just didn't believe he was really dead :-(
sIt' a new year...I wish you a happy and healthy one....and it is the start into a new life for you. It doesn't look monotonous, you have a lot of goals which you will achieve and buckle down with exercise...also the best for the mind.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year! It's never easy... and YES, it's just how life goes ;-) Lots of love, Dxx
ReplyDeleteOh yes, we'll never have heaven on earth. Like you said somedays are just off for various reasons. I remember someone interviewing a very old man and asked what did he credit for always being a happy person. He said- Two words attitude and gratitude! I relieved that pretty much sums it up. Unless there's a serious chemical problem, that's totally different. I find what pulls me out of a slump is starting a new project. It doesn't have to be anything big. Just something I can step back and say yeah! that's better! As far as not getting envious over other people there are some people and situations I avoid because I know it can trigger a feeling I don't like feeling.
ReplyDeleteAs always, your resolutions could be my resolutions...especially the ones pertaining to chilling out, getting more pedicures and getting over the fact that there is no more Brody in Homeland! I'm glad I read your How Life Goes post today as I find myself in the greyest of January moods. Am missing the warmth of the Christmas glow and JC's chatter as today was her first day back to school. But as you say...ups and downs (& it's not really a down) are part of life's pattern... xxx
ReplyDelete