Without meaning to be, there are still testing times. I have a life that on paper looks perfect - and it is - but the fact is, trials still present themselves; they are just dressed differently than before. As I have given up the defined area of stress in my life (my job) I feel like I should therefore no longer have stress. I am finding though that stress lurks in expected places.
Having a twelve year old daughter can be tricky; you have to be resilient. If you read any article on the perils of social media you'll want to lock your child away and never let them see an iPhone again. But this is the world we live in and we have to embrace it. As she grows up, boundaries are being pushed every day. Things she should try and challenges she should face. I try to bring up my kids to be sensible and independent, but when they are out of their comfort zone, you wonder whether as a parent, you've gone too far in pushing them out of the nest. They are so young. There is so much time, isn't there? But what I would say about these modern times is that it's actually hard to know if you're making the right decision. When they are babies or toddlers you eventually decide to ditch the baby manual once and for all and trust your instincts. Well - when they grow older, there are no manuals and your instinct feels out of date. I mean let's be honest; I was 12 years old nearly twenty years ago. Times have changed and I start to feel like an episode of the '
The Wonder Years' if I am not careful! Is there a different playing field now?
I keep telling myself: I do my best. Things aren't bad. There are always those who are worse off. These are first world problems. So in this spiral of parental self doubt I snap out of it and start a new day.
Did you know that Christmas Eve is only six weeks away? Whaaaa?! This seems like an unfeasibly short amount of time for me to get my s**t together. Mental note: time runs away from you.
I enter now the final months of my 39th year. This feels significant; 40 is looming and I so want to feel full of positivity about it. All is I know I spent three hours in a hairdresser's chair yesterday getting my grey covered in what seemed like a ridiculously elaborate process! Hmmm. Then I went to
Jack Wills to buy a shirt and felt, as a paid for it, that I ought to explain (apologise for?) the fact that it was for me rather than my daughter! I accept these are my own neuroses; I have developed them over time and I am sure they will pass. But in the spirit of honesty to you this is what goes through the mind of me.
It's Wednesday and that means circuit training so I am off for the endorphin fix and the hope that calm will descend on my house and quiet the parental worry/noise that seems to drown all else out right now. The sun is shining, it's a crisp day.
Having just celebrated my daughter's 12th birthday and I concur it's never easy and I totally get the whole anxiety thing. I've just finished reading 'Hold on to your kids' by Gordon Neufeld - interesting and thought-provoking.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know.....your 40's will be the best years of your life ~
ReplyDeleteNo it isn't easy but it is worth it. All I can say is "Hold your nerve". Stick to what you believe to be the right rules for you and your family and relax them gradually as your daughter pushes the boundaries --- but only as far as you feel safe and your daughter shows she is capable of managing. Letting them go is a gradual process and even though they may push against the rules they need them to feel safe and loved. And even if everyone else's parents really do have very different (or no) rules your own children will understand that yours are there to protect them as they move out into the world away from you. They may fight against them (and they should) but as long as they feel loved and cared for they will understand the reason for the rules -- even if it is only a few years later they turn round and tell you that!
ReplyDeleteGood luck
children grow into the "modern world" naturally . And it's ok when you don't ban them from their surroundings world. I believe it is only important to make them vigilant against the dangers and give them most love and understanding. Also important is to explain your "No" and they will be perceptive. All the best.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean…I keep feeling guilty whenever I have a bad or stressful day, because really, what should be stressful about my life? But life is hard sometimes, with or without that office job.
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