Lou, Boos and shoes

Things of beauty...

2012-01-27T16:49:00.000Z

This weekend has been a long time coming; tomorrow Boo sits her exam for her senior school. Two hundred and seventy children vying for just eighty places! I figure we have done all we can, she can only do her best, and what will be will be (and other such philosophical observations).

Meanwhile I've been getting used to balancing my time between home and work again, taking things very slowly. So far so good. Some lovely readers have asked how my pain is - well, it's still there, less prevalent, but still there. I loop around in my mind whether there is less pain or whether I have become adept at dealing with the pain. Still no conclusion but it's not getting me down like it used to. I am taking steps every day to work through it and one day, I believe it will go. I do believe that.

Tonight calls for Friday night curry and traditional family times snuggled in front of the fire. I am relishing life right now; I feel like everything has happened this way for a reason and rather than question it, I am trying to just accept it; enjoy it, take it for what it is...

...'the godfather' by Louise Dungate...maker of luxe knitwear

via inspire me

...twice this week, at the farthest point from home when dog walking, I've been caught in the rain...

via the cambridge satchel company

...snuggle up...

Kirsten Scott Thomas

via crush cul de sac

Have a cosy time this weekend!

Life lessons...

2012-01-25T07:24:00.003Z

All that time he was working away, he really would have rather been at home more.

I would do pretty much anything to preserve my children's happiness.

Getting a puppy was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Natalie Portman in Teen Vogue

I can feed our family of four, good square meals that don't cost much, with enough careful planning and clever shopping.

My hair is really going grey and I really don't like it.

The pangs I get when I miss my oldest and dearest friends are common to us all; life got busy and we got less time together. It's a sad fact.

I do care what others think of me.

It's OK that I spend a lot of time thinking about my outfits.

Christy Turlington

That time I first felt a wave of pain in my jaw, I so should have seen a Physiotherapist and not a dentist. Or a doctor. Or a consultant.

A strong marriage is one where you are not both competing to be the one working the hardest. It's not a contest.

via foxontherunbride

I have too heavy a reliance on earl grey tea.

There is only so much housework I can do; there is more to life than laundry.

I heart the 1980's in the way my parents hearted the 1960's.

Ohhhh Rob Lowe...80's heart throb

Relinquishing control of my influence over my child's future is exceptionally hard. (As in: I can't sit the exam for her)

In order to be truly physically fit, to the extent that you are your optimum weight and are thoroughly toned, requires daily training. Three times a week actually doesn't do it...unbelievable, but true.

In most matters, what goes around comes around.

Good writing still has the capacity to take my breath away; just like it did when I was 13 and started studying literature.

It really was a mistake to get rid of that fur-collared, wool coat I had at University. Same goes for that perfect pleated skirt that formed my burgeoning 'work wardrobe'. Not to mention that vintage red Mulberry clutch. Ditto those perfectly faded Levi 501s.

Tell me...what is your latest life lesson?

What it means to me...

2012-01-24T07:19:00.000Z

This blogging business; it's a strange and wondrous thing. I am amazed that for two years now this corner of the web has been mine and on it, I record my thoughts for others to read. Still, this blog remains a closely guarded secret; very few of my friends and family are aware I write this blog. And I ask myself: what purpose does it serve? What's it all about?

For those dear friends who are aware and do read along, they get a blow-by-blow account of my little life. They know the nuances of my days and can keep up to date without having to call or email. Often I get texts saying 'I read the blog...and...whatssup?' It is the barometer of my thoughts, of which there are many. Those who know me well can read between the lines.

For those who don't know me, but who drop in from time to time, it's a place of pretty pictures and a touch of voyeurism in to the days of someone they might never come across in their real lives.

For my blog friends - a merry band of supporters, it is again a stopping place; somewhere to check in and chew the cud. To agree or to disagree with whatever opinion I am expressing that day. The diversity and range of this group of friends makes me smile; an online family of wisdom.

It's a place for me to write. I was asked recently what my hobbies were and I struggled to answer. I live day to day being a mother; being a wife, keeping house, working in my job (although less of that lately). I spend my time preparing and wiping and clearing and planning. And thinking. I am not sure I even have a hobby? Finally I said that writing was my hobby. As I am sure any bone fide writer will tell you, it is not that one chooses to write, it is that one is compelled to write. For years I kept diaries and this is the same. Am I compelled to write? Well, no not all the time, but I must admit that by writing here I have found solace and clarity. Often during my day, things will occur to me and I want to write them down. There is something wonderfully freeing about pressing 'publish' and filling the void with thoughts.

The kindness of strangers has staggered me. Anonymous comments recommending books or articles that might interest me. Readers who have gone out their way. Unsolicited kind emails from other countries. Gifts that arrive in the post, from Canada or America or nearer to home; London.

I should be more bold with my blog - I should be proud of it and not fear that people won't 'get it'. It has brought me so much, I can't begin to tell you.

So after two years, here's to plenty more time, more words, more pretty pictures, more comments, more friends....

via pretty little flower

Friday thoughts...

2012-01-20T13:33:00.001Z

I went to work this week. It was good; interesting, it felt familiar and new all at the same time. One benefit of having worked for the same company for 15 years is that it's a bit like home. I haven't worked since June, so going back was a big thing. I haven't really started doing much yet, other than dealing with a gazillion emails, but I was very welcomed by colleagues. It reminded me that there were reasons why I worked; to do with my own sense of self, and my own capability. A good colleague told me that she missed how my mind worked; what I brought to meetings and decisions. Always taking a different view to those in the room and then gently but persuasively arguing my corner. It was nice to hear...

And so to Friday, I find that times are different here in our household. My husband is at home each day which is just such a treat for family life. Its funny how life goes; every cloud has a silver lining.

Thank you to my wonderful guest posters...so interesting to see life through the eyes of others. And in a spooky but lovely turn of events, my favourite artist contacted me as she had seen my blog. I was quite chuffed and in wonder at the power of the web...

Worries that turned out to be unfounded.

Feeling my son's heartbeat as he cuddles me.

Wood burning stove and endless cups of tea.

Walks round the field in rain, drizzle and damp.

'Grandma's Chair' by Jessica Cooper

Quiet moments.

Final preparations for Boo's senior school exams; it's all part of growing up.

emma watson

A newly present husband; unexpected and unplanned days together.

Getting ready for skiing in Austria...shoop, shoop....

Trusted colleagues and work peers.

Winter meals: shepherds pie and sauteed leeks.

Circuit training and strong coffee with the school mums.

Pancakes and nutella at tea-time.

via cannelle et vanille

Ridiculously dark mornings...when will the Spring come?

Sporting woollens every day.

love this outfit via prettystuff

My voice completely absent...too much talking.

Restoring order in my house...it's never been so organised!

via plush palate

January Diaries: Tania from 'Backwards in High Heels' Guest Post

2012-01-18T07:09:00.000Z

I was bashful to ask Tania to write for my blog, given that she is a real, live writer, but when I did eventually pluck up the courage, she responded in such a positive and lovely way that I wondered why I had been so shy. Tania writes the blog 'Backwards in High Heels' (and has published a book of the same name with her co-writer). I would not be over-exaggerating if I said that her blog is my must-read each and every day; that I find myself wondering about her if the weather in Scotland is forecast to be gloomy. I find myself thinking about what she has written, long after I have read it. I consider her wisdom to be genuinely important and relevant in my day. Aside from the fact that she writes in a way that sometimes makes me catch my breath; the turn of phrase, the literary reference, the effortless metaphor. Reading Tania's words is like dipping a toe in a special, friendly, erudite pool. And then there is the beloved dog...

photograph by Tania

Should I explain who I am? I write books. I live in the North East of Scotland in a small granite house, surrounded by hills and trees, with one glorious black lab-collie cross. There were two, but one of my old ladies died last May. (This still makes my heart ache.)

Here is my day.

I wake to raging sunshine. I check my mental state. My father died eight months ago, and the echoes of that still fall about me. I feel it, viscerally, but I also examine it. This is the writer at work; it’s like a disease, I can’t help it. How interesting, I think, as I prod myself for unexpected symptoms and curious ramifications. How surprising, I think. And often, how maddening. I always want to write it, and, as my own Dear Readers know to their cost, I often do.

Today, it turns out, I am in Come Along mode. As in: come along, at least you are not living in The Congo. I think about the women of The Congo a lot; it is one of my enduring concerns.

Come along, come along, I say to myself. The dog, whose blog name is The Pigeon (for some reason I give everyone pseudonyms, even the dog) decides that she will encourage the Come Along spirit by being particularly sweet. She is the most glorious canine I have ever met, but occasionally she ratchets up the adorableness to new heights, just because she can. This morning, she has decided to give me her Grace Kelly gaze, which is so potent that I actually have to stop cleaning my teeth and get down on the floor of the bathroom to play with her. (Should I really be telling you this?)

The Pigeon

We have a little rumble, which makes me laugh. I think I should take life lessons from her. She is thirteen years old, her muzzle is quite grey, but her eyes are bright as stars, and she wakes to greet each new day as if it were the most thrilling thing in the world.

photograph by Tania

We go out, looking at the glittering frost dancing in the winter sun. I bless, as always, the old, dead, forgotten men who originally planted the oaks and beeches and limes under which I now walk.

photograph by Tania

I break out the strong coffee and get to my desk. I am working on the second draft of a book, which involves cutting, rewriting, filling in gaps. I have decided, for no known reason, that what the book really needs is a snappy section on the women of James Bond. I was re-reading some of the old Ian Fleming novels before Christmas and was reminded how different they are from the films; much sharper and harder and more interesting. The attitude towards women is paradoxical: rather modern and subtle on one hand, then suddenly unreconstructed and chauvinist. I am now reading a biography of Fleming himself, and am finding that exact attitude in his own life. He could be an absolute brute; he could also be understanding and sympathetic and nuanced.

Research is always hard because it feels as if one is not really working. I want to be tap tap tapping on the keyboard, watching the word count go up. Instead, I am making a few notes, but mostly reading and thinking. (It’s such an odd job, really; most of it is just thinking.)

'The Burn

Then, there are boring domestic tasks. I am in day three of defrosting the freezer. My freezer is, as are so many things in my life, slightly bust. It’s not bust enough to replace, but just bust enough to drive me demented. It freezes itself into a berg of iciness, and all the shelves jam up, and I put it off and put it off until I literally cannot get to my bottle of Stoly, at which point the emergency alarm goes off. And then it takes three days, and there are towels all over the floor to mop up the water, and a horrid freezer soup gathers in the trough at the bottom and I have to scoop it out with a soup ladle.

As I do this, I think of how some people imagine a writer’s life to be filled with mystery and glamour. When I started, that was what I thought. I imagined that I would be going to parties with Martin Amis, and yacking it up with Salman Rushdie. (I did once meet Salman Rushdie, and he was quite polite, but he had a slightly baffled look on his face, as if to say: who is this woman?)

To reward myself, I make a huge pastrami sandwich, with rocket and tomato and mayonnaise, and eat it whilst listening to a riveting programme on Radio Four about the black arts movement in the seventies. Radio Four is my love and delight. It is how I know I am officially middle-aged. Each time I go into the kitchen, I automatically switch it on. Sometimes I am in a hurry, so I hear five minute snatches of programmes, and all the different subjects have blurred together in my mind by the end of the day.

Today, there was: Jenni Murray saying, in amazement, ‘Would you really want an implant made of mattress material in your breasts?’ There was the lovely Edward Stourton giggling hopelessly as he acts as referee in a spirited discussion about the future of the apostrophe. There was a government official from Kurdistan threatening a newspaper editor: ‘Do you know what I am going to do to him, that bastard? I’m a peshmerga.’

I have to go and look up peshmerga, because I do not know what it means. It turns out peshmerga is a name for armed Kurdish fighters who formed in the early 20th century, just after the break up of the Ottoman Empire. It literally means: those who face death. So that is my fact of the day. I do not like a day which does not have a fact in it.

photograph by Tania

Then: more reading and thinking and taking of notes. I write my own blog. I smile over the comments the kind readers have left.

I call my mother, for one quick question. Twenty minutes later we have discussed: the Cuban Missile Crisis, the drunkenness of Brendan Behan, and my grandmother’s third husband, who was not entirely heterosexual. For some reason, we get onto President Kennedy’s priapism. ‘I always wondered,’ my mother says delicately, ‘how he managed all those ladies, with his bad back.’ She pauses. ‘I mean,’ she says, ‘it can’t be very good for your back, all that.’

I take The Pigeon for her afternoon walk. The early dazzle has gone, the sun has set, the gloaming is gentling the hills. Everything is still and blue.

The Hill

When I come in, I take a final wander round the internets. It is fashionable now to deride the Internet as arid and anti-social. It’s just sad people, sitting alone in their rooms, staring at flickering screens. I love it. It means that I may live in this distant part of Scotland and still be in touch with the world.

I check the latest news from Syria, find an excellent blog post on whether men can be feminists (I say yes), read an interview with the Prime Minister about getting more women into Parliament.

I am slightly obsessed with the mysterious assassinations of Iranian nuclear scientists. No one knows who is doing it – the CIA, Mossad, some rogue black ops? It has been oddly under reported, but now the story is starting to explode. The blogosphere has got its teeth into the matter, and is shaking it like a terrier with a bone. I read all about it . Then I watch a sweet stop-go animation about books. This is the life of the internet; there is nothing arid about it.

The dark comes, and a luminous hunter’s moon rises over the horizon. I have, as always, not done quite enough. It’s strange, writing my day for you like this. It is a small day, a small life. I used to have dreams of living a huge life. Now, I like the smallness. I feel profoundly lucky that I may sit in a warm room in a beautiful country, and think thoughts.

The Pigeon side view!

January Diaries: Sophie from 'The Littlest Things' Guest Post

2012-01-16T07:18:00.000Z

My friend Sophie; she's a gorgeous girl. I am very fond of her and follow, through her blog 'The Littlest Things', her daily pursuits. Sophie stayed true to her heart and joined her beau George, here in Britain. Meanwhile she often travels back to her native Sydney to see family and friends. Sophie takes the most amazing photos of everyday things that make her happy, so it's easy to see the world through young Sophie's eyes. Oh, and should I also mention that she has that kind of stop-in-your-tracks, to-die-for personal style? To me, Sophie is like a favourite niece who I want to help shepherd through life. However she doesn't need much shepherding as she is so very switched-on and savvy. She is one of the most grounded people I have come across in the blogging community and I am thrilled she has written me this guest post (burning the midnight oil, whilst jet-lagged, having just flown in from Australia). Over to Sophie...

...gorgeous girl...

I am so happy to be here on Lou's beautiful blog. We started blogging around the exact same time and instantly became friends. I see her as one of my closest friends, even though we haven't met. Someone who has so much wisdom and is so easy to talk to (via email). I feel so lucky that we stumbled upon each others blogs two years ago.

I write 'The Littlest Things'. I'm an Australian from Sydney but living in Cardiff, Wales. I want to share the adjusting of different lifestyles and cultures...honestly. I have never really written anything down on my experiences of both countries. So I thought sharing it with fellow 'Lou, Boos and Shoes' readers would be the best place to start.

...beach loving...

OK...so let's start at the beginning.My parents lived and grew up in Sydney their whole lives. They lived in the same area of the city and eventually went to the same high school (the same high school that my brother and I ended up going to). They brought us up in pretty much the exact same area and around a lot of friends they went to school with who happened to have kids around the same time they did.This meant a childhood filled with big barbecues around family friends' pools, going to family friends' holiday houses, playing out on the big wide streets until dusk.

A childhood spent falling asleep with sand in our beds, running around in bare feet and living outside.It was around the time of the Sydney Olympics in 2000 when I realised just how incredibly lucky I was to live in such an amazing city. I was 11 and became extremely patriotic.

This upbringing lead me to believe that I would never live anywhere else but home. Sure I would travel, but it didn't even cross my mind that I would leave home. That was until November 1st 2007; the day I finished high school and met George; an English guy who is now my boyfriend - the reason.

...and he's the reason...

It wasn't until around September last year that it began to feel like I really lived here. Even though I lived in London for the whole of 2009 and flew back and forth for all of 2010, September changed my perspective on everything. George and I moved into our apartment in Cardiff and I got a job in the city.It began to become day to day life routine without me even noticing. This was when the comparing of the two countries and cultures started. It now felt like I was able to. Although, I don't like the fact that I compare them since I know both have good points and both bad but sometimes it's impossible not to.

...the girl can cook...peppermint brownies...

With my experience, it feels like Sydney is the easier city to live in. Everything feels brighter (even in the winter), maybe even happier and a lot more relaxed and easy going. When I'm home, I still fall asleep with sand in my bed, run around in bare feet and spend majority of the time outside.The food is fresher, feels a lot easier to lead a healthy lifestyle. There's not the exact same cafe or restaurant on every second corner. It feels like there is so much more emphasis on eating things which are good for you. Getting outside.

sand footprints...photograph by Sophie

From my experience, living in the UK, specifically Cardiff, feels like the harder city to live in. It feels like there isn't as much zest for life, it feels a lot darker and way less relaxed. It might be the fact that I feel like people who live here don't really seem to know why they do. Whenever I tell people where I come from, their first reaction is "oh, why the hell are you here then?".It feels like there is no where near as much emphasis put on leading a healthy lifestyle. The unhealthy options seem to outweigh the healthy ones ridiculously, from what I can see anyway.I do hate comparing them, but it just feels like, from my experience, that Sydney has got life right.

girl about town...photograph of Sophie by George!

Obviously, I am bias. You can see that from the whole introduction. To me, everything in Sydney is so familiar. I bump into friends and family wherever I go. I have unforgettable memories from countless places all around the city. Therefore, my analysis may be faulted.However, the funny thing which has seemed to gradually happen is that whenever I return home, I feel like an outsider. For the first couple of days anyway. It sometimes kind-of feels like I have become less Australian.It reminds me of a quote in a book I read called "Almost French". It was "...his life is a constant dilemma: in Australia he feels Greek; but in Greece he feels Australian. It's a bitter sweet thing knowing two cultures".

closeness...photograph by Sophie

One thing I know for sure is that I would never pass this experience up for anything. As much as I miss Sydney, and my family, and even though I don't think I will ever get used to that fact that I go home for "holidays, I know this is the best thing for me to do. I know I will look back and think of these days extremely fondly; of George and I starting out our life together. Of living on the other side of the world. Trying to find our feet, independently. I love the challenge and everything I am gaining from it, even if it can make me homesick, like crazy sometimes.

But, it does make me incredibly happy knowing, that we will end up in Sydney for good, come a few years time.It is my home, after all.

...love this...impossibly blue photograph by Sophie

Congratulations Lou, on reaching two years of this beautiful blog. I'm so happy you started it, and I'm sure many people feel the same. Looking forward to so many more years of blogging together xx

Les choses de la beauté...

2012-01-13T13:15:00.000Z

Well, here we are again; another week where time seems to have been on fast-forward. I have been having those sentimental thoughts again - you know how partial I am to them. You see I am returning to work next week...whaaaaat? I know, I KNOW, but hey, it's time. More of that next week, but in the meantime I am wallowing in the 'this is my last free Friday' feeling. I have a quiet weekend planned; settling in to a book and eating well. Conserving energy and getting fresh air.

Thank you to my wonderful guest bloggers this week...I have really enjoyed these diaries of others. More to come, but in the meantime thank you so much for your kind and supportive comments.

Things of beauty this week is en français, well just because, juste parce que pourquoi pas? So chic...so why not? You know how French women have that style, that elegance; how do they do it? Oh to be more like them! Enjoy...

bee-stung lips...clemence poesy

...vintage carrie in Paris...

life is in little pleasures...

...french plaits...which I still can't do...such an important life skill when you have a daughter!

via dust jacket attic

...lunchtime, Paris style...photograph by the Sartorialist

french cafe life via tom el bez photography

photograph by Jamie Beck

...marion cottilard in vanity fair

Wishing you a chic, relaxed weekend!

January Diaries: Amanda from 'The Online Stylist' Guest Post

2012-01-07T11:54:00.001Z

This guest post is quite special to me. It's written by a friend of mine, Amanda, who writes the blog 'The Online Stylist'. We've met; we've done coffee and cakes and discovered that we had a-l-h-o-t in common. I asked Amanda to write a post which was full of honesty and she suggested writing about her life as a fashion blogger. And let me say that being a fashion blogger is indeed Amanda's life. She lives, breaths, positively oozes fashion. I can count on one hand the number of people I have met who show utter passion for what they do, and Amanda is one of them. What I admire most about her is her unfailingly witty, wry view of the world and how she puts herself 'out there' through her online presence. Oh, and I didn't mention that she is one of the only bloggers I know of who has created a viable and thriving business from what they do...

...rather fabulous gloves...from the online stylist tumblr

It’s lovely to be here on Lou’s beautiful blog. I was thrilled to be asked to guest post for her – she is one of those people that; when you meet them in real life, turn out to be even more wonderful than their blog manages to communicate.

I blog over at The Online Stylist – it’s the place where I indulge all my fashion and style musings with a healthy measure of shoe and bag obsessions thrown in. I choose to write an honesty post for Lou’s 'January Diaries' and in doing so, wondered if some of my feelings will be shared by lots of bloggers, fashion or otherwise.

taking a moment...via the online stylist tumblr

Up until 2007 I had only worn and worshipped fashion from afar and never dreamt I could one day say I worked in the field. Via redundancy and a series of happy accidents, I ended up writing a blog that quickly turned to fashion as it’s main topic and began to be picked up on by others. And here I find myself, aged 42 & ¾’s and so some tell me, an established fashion blogger, who is now starting to earn a small income from what she does.

via the online stylist tumblr

So what’s it like? It’s more amazing than I ever could have imagined is the first thing I would say. From blogging about the shoes of my dreams that I regularly gaze at on Net-A-Porter to be being invited to their press day…yep, that qualifies. From nervously attending my first show at London Fashion Week one season to finding myself stood within six feet of Anna Wintour the next…definitely up there with dream moments. It’s a continuing journey of unknown delights that never fail to knock me off the high heels that I now feel are necessary when attending events in London. Even though my feet might feel the need to disagree!

Anna Wintour and Blake Liveley via the online stylist tumblr

But you really do need those highs when you spend hour after hour in front of the computer, sometimes at the expense of your family because you’re addicted to this new found passion that’s crept into your life. You never know when the magical opportunities will present themselves and they often take on the persona of buses - nothing for eons and then two or three turn up together.

It’s the highs that keep you motivated when you try and juggle the childcare, home commitments, attention you know you should be paying your husband and daughter and the sleep you know you should be getting, in exchange for just one more hour to come up with another post. A post that sometimes you think nobody actually reads.

You have to focus on the highs when you realise that not everyone is happy about your small successes. But you learn to rise above it and push the initial hurt aside because you made up your mind to be the consummate professional since your blog became your business. One that you care very much about and where you chose to only share the positive stuff.

via the online stylist tumblr

You focus on the positives as you tentatively dip your toe in the waters of personal style blogging. To the uninitiated, this is where you get to dress up in things from your wardrobe that don’t make you feel like you’re having a fat day and then get your husband to take pictures of you. In public places. Whilst passers by look on in bemusement and your daughter rapidly exceeds her time limit of five minutes before she gets bored and starts creating havoc!

And you all the while you tell yourself that it doesn’t matter that you’re not a size 8 and old enough to be the mother of some of your fashion blogging friends. You publish each of these style posts and hold your breath in case you fall foul of the trolls that lurk in blog-land but then breathe a huge sigh of relief when your readers react positively and leave you wonderful comments.

via the online stylist tumblr

You continually think that you could do more and produce better content - your best is never good enough and you are your own worst critic. You alternate between wishing you lived in London so that you could attend all the events you had an invitation for and thinking that its possibly best that you have to undertake a 2 hour train ride to get there. Otherwise your obsession for this “I found my passion late in life” new career would mean you’d never see your family and without them, none of it would have quite the same meaning.

But if these are the petty niggles that are representative of a bad day at the office, all you have to do is remember how fortunate you are to be doing something you love heart and soul and wouldn’t change for the world. It doesn’t pay a fraction of the income that you spent half your working life building up but no matter. What matters is that you have the chance to try and build a career out of something that you truly love and you’re sure as hell going to give it your best shot.

via the online stylist tumblr

Eye bags, nerves and insecurities aside, being a forty something fashion blogger rocks my world. And that’s something I never thought I’d hear myself say!

Happy Two-Year Blog-iversary Lou! I can’t believe that two years have passed since I first came across your blog with its sweet honesty and inspiring imagery. I’m glad to count you among my new found friends!

Lots of love, Amanda xxx

January Diaries: Mary from 'Mary Loves' Guest Post

2012-01-06T08:18:00.002Z

The third of my diary guest posts is from Mary who writes the blog 'Mary Loves'. I feel that Mary and I have parallel lives; she in Boston and I here. We both work in corporate environments, we both share this sense that we could be doing more. Whether it's trying harder at motherhood (is it ever just enough?!) or at life in general. Always striving to be the best version of ourselves. Mary has written this searingly honest post which really speaks to me. The way she describes her normal day captures the very essence of working motherhood. How little glitches along the way, like weather or traffic, can literally turn a good day into a not so good one. As soon as something stumbles into the cogs of the wheel, an imperceptible pressure is placed on the working mother. I think Mary describes this so honestly and so perfectly. Her love for her gorgeous boys shines through too and I adore that they dance and play every night without fail!

I was so honoured that Lou asked me to write a guest post for her. This blog is one of my absolute favorites. Lou is always so honest and open in her writing, and I think that's why her blog resonates with so many people. She says quite eloquently what so many of us are thinking, and it's so nice to be able to nod your head and think "me too! me too!". Thanks Lou!

A typical winter day in the life of Mary…

I wake up at 5:45, and I take a shower and get dressed. I get up early so I can get ready before my little guys, ages 2 and 5, wake up. (I try, anyway - lately I have had an audience for my shower.) I get dressed, go downstairs and prepare breakfast (often oatmeal in the winter), pack our bags, and get things ready to go. Mornings are often a blur of getting the boys dressed, fed, and out the door. I actually like it when they wake up a little earlier, because it allows us more time to eat breakfast together and talk, maybe even play a little before we have to rush off.

Winters in Boston can be tough, especially when handling the typical weekday routine. Thankfully, we invested in a remote car starter, and it has become one of my favorite possessions ever. It doesn't hurt quite as much to get myself and the boys into the car on a freezing winter morning. I won't talk about the days when I have to shovel first, though.

I take them to day care and then drive into Boston. My commute is about 35 minutes on a typical day, longer on a snowy or rainy one. I work from home two days a week, which helps tremendously. The other days, I've decided to look at my commute as having a block of time devoted to listening to music. I try to relax and not worry about the traffic or the clock and just focus on the songs. Before I know it, I'm at the office. 5:45 to 9AM - my typical morning is long, so I work hard to try to make things easy on myself. (Yes I recognize the paradox there.)

I work until 4, at which time I do that commute in reverse to go get the boys, and we are usually home by 5. I make dinner while the boys play, and then we eat together. We talk about our days, what they learned, and how they played. I make words with our magnet alphabet on the side of the fridge so my five-year-old can practice reading. He loves this, and he's getting really good! After dinner, we dance. Almost always. My two-year-old's dance style involves hopping up and down, swinging one arm wildly over his head. It's awesome and I hope it stays his signature move. My five-year-old's moves involve more of his shoulders and hips. Equally awesome. Dancing very often ends with tickling or chasing, and then we move on to something else. When we're all in a good mood, I leave the dishes and play. Lego's, trains, marbles, puzzles…whatever it is, it's fun, and I love this time. I will admit, though, that there are some days that we're not all in a good mood, and on those days it can be better if I clean up while they play independently.

Then comes bedtime, which can be so difficult sometimes with my little guys. It can sap me completely of all energy. I find myself chanting, "It's only a phase, it's only a phase, it's only…" After baths and pyjamas and stories, it's lights out before 8 o'clock.

Then starts my favorite time of day. Peace. I have been trying to take ten minutes to sit quietly - I would say meditate, but I am not very good at quieting my mind completely. I do try, though, and I will say that it does make a difference. I feel the muscles in my face and shoulders relax as I sit and breathe. I then hop on the computer for a bit, writing a post on my blog, reading my favorites, or catching up on email. I clean up the kitchen, pack lunches for the next day, and then retreat to the living room with a mug of ice cream. I try to get to bed by 9:30 or 10 so I can read for a while, although my fondness for the peaceful and quiet night time hours usually keeps me up too late. I always end my days in bed with a book.

If you have just noticed that my husband hasn't made an appearance, it's because he travels nearly full-time for work. I am usually on my own during the week.

And here is where I share my excellent, life-changing news! As of next summer, I will be taking some time off of work. Maybe as much as two years. Next year at this time, my "typical day" will look dramatically different! This is a very good thing. I am so excited at the prospect of having more time with my boys, walking them to school, and having more time to manage things at home.

Lou, thanks so much for having me! Maybe you can do a similar series next year and I can share how much things have changed!

Things of beauty interlude...

2012-01-03T22:43:00.001Z

Temporarily, our life has been thrown into a state of flux. Sometimes, things you believe to be safe (like jobs) are not, and you have start afresh with new assumptions. This week I have learned that my patience is not as extensive as I had thought. That I too quickly leap to conclusions, even though common sense should prevail. That I misuse semi colons (according to Boo's crib-sheet on the matter). That I have some awesome friends, who when it matters, form an emotional huddle. A wigwam of support.

I've felt oddly hemmed in after the Christmas period; still no school for my children, so days spent killing time. The recline level has gone to extremes and my son announces daily that it's a 'pyjama day'! I have had to explain that the beauty of a pyjama day phenomenon is that it does not occur every day!

As ever the final week of holidays is a week too long! It's not long until I return to work and that is starting to fill my thoughts. I feel like I need to go back and retrace how this last six months of absence came about. I need to walk in those same steps and see if I can create a different outcome. If you want things to be different, you have to do them differently.

I have had some lovely guest bloggers post their thoughts and there is more to come next week. Thank you for your wonderful welcome and warm comments. I like the different slant on things and whilst I am staying in the background, I am still here :-)

via coco kelley

via brown dress with white dots

via pretty stuff

via grey clouds and red days

via comptoir des cottoniers

photograph by chris nicholls

...oops how did that get there?!! Bradley Cooper....

via a well traveled woman

via this flickr

Here's to success and a fresh start...

January Diaries: Charlotta from 'Space for Inspiration' Guest Post

2012-01-03T09:02:00.002Z

Hello there...
I woke this morning to high winds and rain; the storm they predicted has arrived. However I am not going to let it dampen my spirits as I am galvanised with plans for the new year. This year, of all years, the need to draw a line under the past and move forward afresh has been high on my agenda. The gift of opportunity...as another door opens. And so, to my second guest post which, in light of what I have written above, is unbelievably apt for us right now. Charlotta, who writes the blog 'Space for Inspiration' is a fellow Scandinavian and I am sure we have this meeting of minds because of it! Her blog is a cornucopia of pretty pictures and wise words; my two favourite things. Charlotta has reflected on the event of New Year's Eve for her post...and I love it.

31 December 2011: New Years Eve reflections...
As the year draws to an end I get a jolt of excitement for what is to come. 'New Years Eve'...that one magical day that casts an invisible line between 'what has been' and 'what will be'. The air so full of anticipation of what lies ahead that it seems to vibrate. Then at that final 'gong' of midnight, an explosion of energy so tangible that it competes with the fireworks in the starry sky above. Rebirth!

Without fail I feel nostalgic & reflective. My mind reviews the string of events from the year passed - summing them up, collating valuable learnings, and carefully wrapping precious memories in virtual tissue paper before storing them away.

This ritual always brings tears as well as smiles, and I find myself re-living an array of emotions that in some cases never really manifested at the time the event took place. The speed of time doesn't always allow that does it?! But perspective and hind-sight are powerful things. Like a good pair of reading glasses they allow us to get a sharper and better look at things whilst also understanding their meaning and value.

Of course there are memories of disappointment, hurt and sadness, but mostly I rate even these as good experiences because of where they have led me. As Albert Einstein so wisely put it;

I know he was/is right because when looking back, what felt hard at the time now feels like a true blessing - an opportunity to explore new ways, expand my vision, and grow as a person. All of which ultimately led me towards some of the things I today rate as most valuable. If not invaluable..!

At this point my mind settles in a cloud of gratefulness. A glow of love and appreciation so strong that I sometimes gasp for air. I think of all the people I have in my life - my beautiful family, my friends, and all of the people who crossed my path for a reason. I think of all the things I have had the opportunity to see, learn and do. The spectrum of emotions I have been fortunate to feel and express. The sum of all my mistakes leading to where I am today. And there is no other place I'd rather be!

Then comes the surge of excitement for what is to come – all the people I am yet to meet, the things I am yet to learn and the adventures yet to be had. A whole new year ahead! Like a blank canvas waiting to be filled with colour and detail. A pictorial story that may or may not be a masterpiece, but it will be a honest and passionate expression of all things that are me! My very own piece of art that I intend to paint with passion, zest and honesty!

So here we are at the beginning of 2012... (paint brush in hand!).

Being a 'leap year' we are blessed with an extra day. A year-total of 366 days - the 29th February given to us like a magic pocket of time that is ours only every four years. May this one extra day be what allows you to take that leap that will land you on top of the highest cloud of your dreams! xx

Thank you dear Lou for letting me be a part of your beautiful blog.

Happy New Year to you and of course also, a heartfelt
'happy 2nd blog anniversary'.

We love you truly and warmly - coming here is always wonderful. A favourite place in our virtual world! xx

xx Charlotta

Space for Inspiration

January Diaries: Jacqueline from 'Home' Guest Post

2012-01-01T11:16:00.002Z

Hello 2012!! Good morning, good day, good new year! I have asked some friends to write guest posts for me to commemorate two years of my little blog. All I asked for was a day in their life; a record of what they are doing. Here, Jacqueline from 'Home' starts off with her New Years Day commentary. As ever, it's her slightly irreverent, tongue-in-cheek loveliness that I enjoy. So many times she has dropped by to leave me words of wisdom; I value her judgement and her priceless, positive attitude to life. A girl whose glass is definitely half full...thank you very much!!

DEAR DIARY...

JANUARY 1st 2012

8:49am ......AWOKE FEELING RATHER DELICATE AFTER BEING FORCED TO DRINK COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL AT A NEW YEARS EVE FAMILY WEDDING!

MUST GET UP SOON AS THERE IS SO MUCH TO BE DONE.
WILL JUST CLOSE MY EYES FOR 5 MINUTES....

10:27am ......LEG IS KILLING ME......PROBABLY DUE TO ME DOING THE SPLITS TO THE ACCOMPANIMENT OF 'OOPS UPSIDE YOUR HEAD' !!

11:03am......

12:07am ...... I REALLY MUST GET UP......THERE ARE SOME CUPBOARDS THAT NEED SORTING......

13:23pm ...... DINNER HAS TO BE ORGANISED......

14:57pm ......THE LOUNGE COULD DO WITH A BIT OF A TIDY......

15:09pm ......THE DINING ROOM FLOOR COULD DO WITH A SWEEP.......

OH, SO MUCH TO DO, SO MUCH MORE SLEEP TO BE HAD!!

17:13pm ......THE SILVER NEEDS CLEANING AFTER ALL OF THOSE CHRISTMAS MEALS.

17:21pm ......I REALLY SHOULD DO SOME SHOPPING AS WE ARE NOW RUNNING OUT OF FOOD.

18:49pm ......AND, THE BATHROOM COULD DO WITH A CLEAN..........

BUT..........

image 1: via Jacqueline@HOME image 2: via we heart it, image 3: via pinterest, image 4: via heartbeat oz, image 5 & 11: via hearts of glass, image 6: via blessed wild apple girl, image 7: via Buddah Interiors, image 8: via Umla, image 9: via brown dress with white dots, image 10: via Jacqueline@HOME, image 12: via crush cul de sac.

Many, many congratulations Lou, on two years of blogging.....time passes so quickly doesn't it? Many thanks for your beautiful, honest and thought-provoking posts that are so interesting to read and stunning to look at.

Here's to many more years of Lou, Boos and Shoes and to continued blogging friendship.

My year...

2011-12-30T15:44:00.002Z

I am not sure how I will remember this year looking back; it was the year where I got lost but then was found. It's been one of those years where if I had known at the start how it would end up, I would scarcely have believed it!

But along the way lots of happiness and moments of gratefulness for where we are and what we have.

My blog is two years old, so it's now as if I have a two year diary of my life. I like having a diary; it takes me back to my younger self where I wrote daily well into my 20's, using the old fashioned method of pen and paper.

So here is a year in the life of me...love from Lou, Boos and Shoes...

...beach sunsets...

...trailing wisteria on our house...

...sweet peas brought by friends...

...spelling bee...

...sailboats on the blue...

...Cornish castles and green fields...

...the bluest blue...

...beach hut sandy toes...

...taking the plunge...

...domestic time...

...morning sunrises...

...a new member of our family...

...apple harvest...

...winter walks...

...Christmas ivy in our farmhouse...

Here's to a fabulous 2012...

Hello...it's me...

2011-12-30T09:02:00.000Z

Hello all...I had anticipated popping in over the Christmas break but as things turned out there wasn't the time to. We had some big and unwelcome news straight after Christmas which I must admit has knocked us sideways. Isn't it amazing how life has a way of blind-siding you when you least expect it? Thankfully this news is of not the health variety so I take a lot of comfort in the knowledge that we are all actually OK. Everything is fine; we may just need to steer things in a different direction for a while. Uncharted territory can be unsettling though; what was I saying about embracing change?!

My little blog is two years old as of the new year, so I have asked a handful of my favourite blog friends to write guest posts for me and they will be featuring over the coming weeks.

I'll be back...and in the meantime have a very happy new year!

Christmas things of beauty...

2011-12-21T16:44:00.000Z

Hello! Soon to be Christmas Eve; I must admit I am not quite ready! Despite weeks of time to prepare, the big event starts tomorrow with a final shop for food and then a walk on the beach to clear out the cobwebs. The house smells of pine and lavender as I had a last-minute domestic goddess moment and made home made laundry powder (after being inspired by this). Anything that creates a production line of homeliness is good with me.

There is one crucial element missing and that is my husband who has been away since Monday. I think he's had about the toughest week so far in his career so I am looking forward to welcoming him home for Christmas. Without him, it all doesn't quite start...

So now the fire is lit, we are watching 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' after seeing the stage show yesterday. It's dark, wet and windy outside so time to hunker down! Enjoy...

...I am loving this red dress...

via one of my all time favourites, starring the world's most loved canine: backwards in high heels

Danish house at Christmas, complete with a tree in the centre of the room via from the right bank

via keep me happy

via are so happy

Oh Olivia P...

...hard to resist, brown paper...

...wool and lace...anthropologie december catalogue 2011

via country living

...gentlemen, if in doubt, go tiffanys...

via simple thoughts

...excitement growing...

...my home made laundry creations!!

via keep me happy

Have a restful and joyful Christmas...

A little bit of honest me...

2011-12-20T20:09:00.001Z

I had a nice, festive blog post in mind, but instead what you'll get is a selection of extracts from my mind, as of now...but rest assured there will be some Christmas 'things of beauty' before the week is done.

This always happens. I get more excited about Christmas in late November than I do when the real thing is almost upon us. Somehow this year there is a sense of unreality which I can only attribute to the current calmness of my life. I am not in a rush. I have time. I do not have to balance working and homemaking. I have lists where I can actually tick off actions, one by one, in a normal, sane manner. This is indeed new territory for me. I like it.

via dust jacket attic from style me pretty

Meanwhile someone closest to me, namely my lovely husband, is working like there is no tomorrow. The contrast between us incongruous. I sense this may be one of the perils of being a housewife (my albeit temporary status). He is a whirlwind and I am a constant. I am the eye of his storm; the oddly quiet, alternative world of our home, as the rest of his corporate world swirls around. Suffice to say, it's a tough time to be corporate.

I finally watched the film 'Black Swan'. It's a great film, I can entirely see why Natalie Portman won the Oscar. But what has stayed with me as well, a little like an unwelcome guest, is a fascination with how her body looked. How thin she was. How all ballerinas have that grace, that look, which is almost prepubescent. I found myself wondering what it would be like to be that thin again, as I once was, aged about 15. Now of course I am a healthy, fit weight and after my children I have curves in places there never used to be curves. Thanks to a lot of training in recent months, I am now fitter than I have ever been; but conversely I weigh more. Gone though, is that waif-like quality of youth. A dancer's body...is it wrong to silently covet such an unobtainable thing?

And so this week continues, children counting down, while I try to keep a grasp on the real meaning of the season. My answer to everything: walking in the great outdoors. Now, with the addition of the puppy, walking is an everyday pursuit that I inflict on my family.

At the weekend, I woke early and my son and I did rounds of the fields behind our house before the sun had come up. It was an icy morning, crisp and fresh and oh-so-bracing. At times like those, I am so grateful for my impetuous decision to get a dog. Without him, we would not be charging round fields before sunrise on any given Saturday morning. Maybe when I made the choice to get him, I knew somewhere deep inside that we needed him. We needed something him our little family.

On Sunday, we went to a beautiful, stylish drinks party in a beautiful, stylish house. A wintery afternoon of canapé perfection and champagne flutes. It was lovely. The fact remains that loveliness for me does equate to beautiful things; elegant places and little details. I notice all the details in a heartbeat. And so it goes for me; one day in wellies, the next in heels. I like the contrasts... :-)

more via dust jacket attic

Things of beauty...

2011-12-16T07:57:00.000Z

The final day of the school term sees us watch Boo sing in a carol concert in a tiny country church, brimming with parents, proudly watching. It's one of my favourite events of the year as it really does herald the start of our Christmas holidays. Afterwards, we always descend on a single, unsuspecting but accommodating village pub for hot chocolate and mulled wine. So that will be my morning, followed by an afternoon of dog walking at the beach and then getting the house decorated. We will choose the Christmas tree tomorrow...

The weekend is peppered with two Christmas cocktail parties; so I shall also be putting on my currently unused heels and heading out with friends. I feel like I need this; whilst I like the early darkness and cold of these winter evenings, it do find myself wondering: should I really be in my pyjamas by 9pm most nights? There, I have shared my secret!

I wouldn't be me if I weren't in some sort of pensive mood; and indeed my thoughts about this time of year seem to be playing on a loop pondering how lucky I am. How much we have. How privileged I am to enjoy all the trappings of a 'perfect' Christmas. It is a blessed life, even with its trials, as there's something about this time of year that makes it all come into sharper focus.

And so to things of beauty...enjoy!

...the beautiful Yasmin Le Bon...

...style starting early...

via Cannelle et Vanille photograph by Arran

...everyone should own roller skates once in their life...

via dust jacket attic photograph by Alexi Lubomirski

from here photograph by The Sartorialist

photograph by Lars Ranek

...quirky dress and smouldering eyes...photograph by Elizabeth Messina

Wishing for a restorative weekend...

Here we go...

2011-12-15T11:53:00.004Z

All week I've had blog guilt; feeling like I need to write, say hello, catch up. But no opportunity seems to have presented itself after days of Christmas preparations, Nativity plays, choir concerts and seeing friends. I am trying to make the most of this, my final day of alone, before a month of school holidays.

There are lots of uncertainties at the moment and I am going to just let them sit; to not be too scared of the unknown future. For me, as this year closes, I will see the end of my little life-changing experiment. I have decided to return to work, part time, in January. I need to see if it is possible to work again and for it not to have an adverse effect on my life.

There have been so many times when I have considered giving it all up and making motherhood and the home my career. But I have had to be honest and assertive with myself and face the fact that work, for me, is a good thing. I also need to acknowledge that my children are getting older; my daughter will start senior school next year, with all that that entails. It won't be so long before their need for me will be less and I am acutely conscious of having something for myself when that happens. Work could be it?!

'Assertiveness' should be my new by-word as I feel like I need to assert myself in so many areas. I need to be expressive about how I want to balance work with my life and see if it is humanly possible to take a backseat and let others have a glittering career, while I simply have a fulfilling job. I need to just take a deep breath and and see what's happening outside the window...

via patterson maker

How am I?

2011-12-11T08:32:00.001Z

Regular and long term readers will know that I have been suffering with unexplained pain for some time now. Even as I write that I wince slightly in the knowledge that unexplained pain is so much more...kooky...than the explained. And whilst being mildly kooky has always been part of my charm, in this instance it is the worse possible characteristic.

Having seen specialist after specialist, practitioner after practitioner, I am still left without a clear diagnosis but know that day to day I live with pain in the way that gardeners live with the blight of weeds in their flower beds. Some days it bothers me less; some days it's as if a gigantic thistle has emerged, its prickles threatening to puncture every good thing in my day. I have read and read and read about what 'it' might be, what can I can do to make it go away. I have taken baby steps of recovery over recent months where my attitude has been: I live with this pain, I won't let it ruin my life.

The medics have called it 'Atypical Facial Pain'...which means they don't know what it is or what causes it, but it manifests itself as pain in the nerves in the face. This is what it feels like: tooth ache crossed with numbness crossed with I-need-to-lay-my-head-down throbbing in my jaw.

This will be the second Christmas where I have had this in my life and accept that thought with stoicism; there are plenty of people who suffer worse. I can function, it's just not that pleasant sometimes.

I am seeing a Physio-therapist who believes that this pain is all muscular; that over a long time the muscles in my neck and shoulders have got themselves into such a mess that they are constantly in painful spasm. She thinks this was triggered by a fall I had when skiing, which happened just before the pain started in 2010. She thinks she can fix me but that much of the emphasis has to be on me; on how I live and stand and walk and behave in between appointments. It's all about posture and eradicating bad habits; no slouching!

But in addition there is this other layer of action that might fix this problem. Yoga stretches. Over months, if I do yoga stretches each day, eventually my muscles will learn to live again and be normal. Then the pain should ease away. Secondly, Meditation. Yep. The answer lies in calmness. There is such an irony in this; as regular readers will also know, I have taken steps to make my life much calmer. For my addled mind, it has worked a treat, I am now calm. But in my body, as the pain persists, the calmness has not seeped in and worked its wonders.

So I am left now with a challenge. For months I have had this idea of meditation in my mind and have, I admit, dispelled it as fancy. I get that it probably makes you feel relaxed, but I have yet to accept that it will actually cure my pain. I have read book after book about this and there is proven, clinical evidence of its success. But really...really?? I am a sceptic. I need however to embrace this doctrine and try it. Properly and in earnest. Otherwise I find my mind racing ahead with the thought that if I don't ever cure this pain, it will be my uninvited friend forever. It's already the elephant in the room on some family days, when everyone is having a great time but where my kids see that Mummy is 'having a bad day'. Boo says to me 'do you need a hug Mummy?' and I know her childlike empathy has come, and that there is nothing she can do but offer hug-comfort.

And so my new year's resolution becomes clear...and maybe one day I can report that the pain has gone and left me free from it forever...

Things of beauty...

2011-12-08T19:19:00.001Z

Another weekend! This one I have purposefully arranged not very much; quiet evenings where I fully intend to be ensconced in front of the fire. The days are so short at the moment, the darkness drawing in so very early, that it's shifted the whole emphasis of the day. The short days make time pass so quickly and I am stunned that it's nearly mid-December already.

I sense that 2012 is going to be a big year for us - one where we put lots of things to the test. My primary goal is to stay as well as I can; that seems overtly simplistic but honestly it's the most important thing in my world.

Given that I am not one to embrace change, I have committed to some big changes starting next year. Mainly to do with schooling and jobs. Already I feel the weight of uncertainty when looking forward but I am trying, day to day, to accept and move through it. If you don't do things differently, how can you expect things to be different?

Have a great weekend... xx

I heart anything with a fur collar...Burberry via haute design

Carl Vilhelm Holsoe (Danish artist, 1863-1935) Woman on the Stairs

Oh Keira...

Grace and elegance...photograph by The Sartorialist

via teaching literacy

by emerson made

via brown paper packages...

fabrics by Vanessa Arbuthnott

utter womanly awesomeness...via brown paper packages...

photograph by Mikkel Vang

So many beautiful things to look at...

Talk to me about Christmas...

2011-12-08T07:19:00.001Z

By the way...I am guest-posting today at Charlotta's lovely blog 'Space for Inspiration' in her series 'Talk to me about Christmas...'

December time...

2011-12-06T14:55:00.001Z

December is one of my favourite ever months, I like the whole build-up to Christmas more than the event itself! Well, nearly...

We went away for a day and a night to Bath to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I love this city - I love its Jane Austen-esque streets and its hilly walks. I love the fact that it reminds me of my University days. I love that we have always retreated there as a bit of a bolt-hole, away from things. I love that art galleries mingle with cool one-off individual little shops. I love that time went really slowly when we were there. But most of all, I love that I returned knowing afresh why I married my husband in the first place. I like him. He's good fun :-)

The Circus, Bath...photograph by Mal Bray

I return as well to the final weeks of the school term before my children break up for Christmas. It's a round of choir concerts and Nativity plays, interspersed by moments of quiet reflection about what is on my mind. Once they are around, there are certainly fewer quiet moments and much less opportunity to make life ordered...

In readiness for Christmas, I re-trace all the old traditions, especially the Danish ones in honour of my Scandinavian heritage. The house will soon be adorned with quirky decorations and lots of white candles...

via latte lisa

I've been thinking lately about self confidence. A few reminders of how precarious self confidence and self esteem can be. I watch my children growing up and can see how some actions give confidence but conversely how some take it away. If I could give any gift to them, this would be it. But as a parent, it's actually hard to know how to instill confidence and I wonder sometimes if my methods are too obvious. There is only so many times you can tell a child she is beautiful. Is that ever enough?

Anniversary...

2011-12-04T09:16:00.001Z

It's our wedding anniversary today...twelve whole, happy years. That is why this time of year is so special to me; memories of preparing for our winter wedding, which fell on the crispest of sunny, wintery days. I stumbled across this quote and I think it pretty much sums up the secret to a happy marriage...

Things of beauty...

2011-12-01T17:53:00.001Z

More reaching to the inner corners of my conscience this week; still weighing up what this little life is all about. The week passed with its normal rhythms...school runs and homework schedules. I caught a cold and so the days have gone by with a fuzz around my head. In an unprecedented move, I started wrapping Christmas presents on December 1st. I have never ever been this organised!! It is because I have time this year; there is time to get things done and I am loving that.

I have set plans in motion to return to work in the new year; I do this ruefully in some ways, knowing that it might set me back. I need to use this blog as a barometer; if in future it seems like I am stepping back into the shoes of the stressed, frazzled, unhappy person I was, can you let me know?!! It always amazes me how commenters here notice things about me before I notice them myself. It must come through in the writing. So if you could be my guiding light, I would appreciate it.

This weekend I have some treats lined up, some 'me' time and some family time. Wonderful beautiful things this week...cat eye make-up and freckles and general prettiness...

...such a lovely half smile...Gemma Arterton...

...love the sparkles; look closely...

...it just doesn't get better than cupcakes...

...encrusted beauty...

made from pages of books via teaching literacy

Have a wonderful weekend...

Country days...

2011-11-28T20:42:00.001Z

By the by, they ploughed the fields by our house yesterday. This ploughing has, over years, become significant for us. We live in the middle of a working arable farm. The fields are leased to various farmers so it's always a guess as to which crop we are going to get. Sometimes winter wheat, sometimes potatoes, sometimes corn, sometimes celery. For months now the field has been left to fallow and has looked, well, downright ugly. Weeds and more weeds growing up until one day a month ago tractors came and sprayed those weeds away with some kind of industrial weed killer. I don't even want to think about the chemicals. Every day since I have I wished that the tractor would arrive and plough - that's what I like; the freshness of newly turned mud (or 'sod' as my husband calls it and is, I believe, the correct name!)

The tractor ploughed a metre deep with the kind of farming machinery that makes you wince. Especially considering that in the good ole days, this must have been done with a mule, and as it ploughed, birds circled overhead. A shiny John Deere tractor went back and forth until what was left was the freshest, turned field. The children got home from school and commented (as the daylight dwindled; seriously it's dark by 4.24pm) '...ahhh, the farmer ploughed; that will make Mummy happy'. Such are my simple pleasures that this ploughing rigmarole does indeed make me happy.

I have caught a cold and so today I want to lie low. The weather keeps turning from rain to sun and there have already been three rainbows; that's got to be a good sign, don't you think?

I love living here this time of year, and despite the chill I enjoy winter drawing in; the chance to light the fire and loll on the sofa in the evenings. Tomorrow is time for Advent calendars... roll on the festive season; this year I am ready for it.

...freshly ploughed field...glinting in the sun...

...sea glass found in a suitcase pocket; reminiscent of summer; and a lavender bag recently bought...

...Boo is almost too old for her doll's house now...

...the (mucky) pup again...

...beautiful impromptu roses bought by my husband...

...visiting deer in the mornings...

...cuppa tea anyone?

'A clean slate, with your own face on'

2011-11-28T11:49:00.001Z

Another little milestone in the whirl of day-to-day parenting; Boo started studying an author whose work I have studied. I am conscious as she gets older that she will step the same path as I did; the urge I feel to arm her with wisdom as she takes those steps, can be overwhelming. I have to remind myself that she is her own person; she is not another me.

Boo came home from school with a Sylvia Plath poem...rather advanced for 10 years of age I thought, but it was lovely; the poem 'You're' is about motherhood. An ode to her unborn child. However troubled Plath's life was, she glimpsed genius in her work. I wrote my college dissertation on Sylvia Plath so it resonates with me and reading this poem with my daughter, I was struck again what a full circle life can be. The final line refers to her baby as being '...a clean slate, with you own face on.' That is what Boo is to me. We look, people tell me, uncannily similar (I suspect she is prettier than I ever was; but that could be a mother's love making me biased?)

I remembered, as we talked about the poem and all of its references, when she was born, her little face, was hers and mine and his. That strange mingling of us three, so evident in a firstborn child. The hours I spent just looking at her, fascinated by her. And even now, years later, I can still get that flash of memory of her as a baby, still there in her ever-changing, maturing face. A heady combination of nostalgia and sentimentality mixed with her future potential. This motherhood; it still amazes me every day.

...love this...a silver cross pram!

Things of beauty...

2011-11-25T11:41:00.001Z

Happy Friday! A slower day today; it's one of those glorious late Autumn sunny days, where low shadows fall on the lawn. I had a long conversation with an old friend last night and it's made me happy. We talked about life choices and how we want the best for our children (of course). We noted though, how making choices of what was 'best' for their future was not always an easy path. Some challenges and changes ahead, but the point is: you have got to open the door to see what's inside, even if it's scary and an unknown...

I've been thinking about the fact that I've been writing this blog for two years come January, so I have some plans to mark the occasion, I am going to ask for some help from my favourite bloggers. Amazing how the time flies by and amazing how many friends I've made on the way.

Here's to a lovely weekend :-)

...pretty Olivia Wilde...

via blonde and red

open the door...via crush cul de sac

photograph by Elizabeth Messina

Tiffany keys

...playing hairdressers; mother and daughter...love this image...

...pink champagne and antique silver...

Jessica Alba via the vogue diaries

photograph by Elizabeth Messina via snippet and ink

Thinking, music and growing up...

2011-11-24T13:15:00.001Z

Sometimes, I write this blog to think out loud; writing has now become part of my thinking and decision-making process. But other times the thinking process happens over a longer time and takes place more gradually than can be shared on a day to day basis. Like a gentle wave, I don't realise how I am reaching a big decision; it happens quietly but surely. That sounds strange I know; but goes some way to explain the nuances of the mind of Lou; there's always a lot going on there. My friends at University used to comment that there was just so much in my head. At the moment, with time and space, being a thinker has become more of a pleasure. For so long it was something that I was not able to give myself to, but now things seem different.

via bippity boppity boo

So we can conclude from this that my deep thinking is as much a part of me as my green eyes or the way I walk or talk. Someone told me recently that I start every sentence with 'I think...' instead of 'I feel...' as if this were a negative. But for me thinking is feeling.

At the risk of sounding repetitive and self-indulgent, life has been somewhat of an epiphany for me lately. I keep getting these 'what's it all about' moments of clarity. In amongst the day to day...

Last night we went to a 'gig' - I can't even say it was a music concert; it was a gig. In a venue resembling somewhere I would have been to as a student. They sold beer in plastic cups. The floor felt sticky underfoot. We saw an up-and-coming band called The Naked and Famous. So whilst I wouldn't really call myself a concert-goer, it turns out I've been to two in as many weeks. Rihanna was...well she was for the most part awesome. Enormous venue, really established song list, soooo many people, and there she was; a little dot on the horizon wearing very few clothes. Then last night, small venue, cool new band, youthful and fresh. Such a contrast. I think seeing live music makes you feel alive; not least because of that boom you feel in your bones from the noise level.

So to music of a different type; Boo is singing in her school choir this weekend at a Christmas ceremony. It's important as this will be the last Christmas she is at this school. Everything is taking on a poignant air this year with the realisation that she will leave next summer. Ready for the unknown of Senior school. To say it feels momentous would be an understatement and again I am reminded how parenthood is full of phases. Every time you think you have one mastered, a new one begins! Of course I must remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, your choice of school is not the be all and end all - however in our little world it feels like a big deal. Everything is currently geared to the entrance exam she will sit in January to see if she gets in...what I wonder is: when exactly did she get so grown up that we are prepping for exams?!

via bippity boppity boo

Where did she go?

2011-11-21T13:41:00.001Z

I think this has been the longest little blogging hiatus for me in recent times; I can't even say I have been away, I've just been so busy. Busy. There; that's it. No other excuse. Many a time, thoughts will cross my addled mind of something I want to say; some essential blog post that I must write, sharing my ideas on a topic or other. But no opportunity has presented itself in the last week. I don't like to be away too long so I am just dropping by to say 'hi'. I am still here; still with you.

via crush cul de sac

What been keeping me so busy? Errr, life in general, really. I am staggered at the pace of things when I am meant to be taking it easy and not working. Full time motherhood is so hectic - who knew??! ;-)

I say this tongue-in-cheek as I, of course, have always known that stay at home mums were super-busy. But what I am seeing is that there is never a point where you think, 'OK enough is enough I am going to clock off now'. Like you would in a paid job. You'd work hard for a project or a presentation, but then when it started to consume every waking hour, every minute of every day, you'd say, 'OK enough'. I notice that there is no opportune time to call time. My conclusion: with motherhood it's never, ever enough! There is always more that could be done to nurture, support, love, coach, clean, galvanise to strengthen. Always, always.

So there you have it.

Oh and also the fact that I want so much to be in a state of preparedness of Christmas that I am trying to get it all done now. I want to revel in the idyllic family-ness of everything come December 24th, so now is the time to get it done.

Finally, I did take some time to snuggle with my Boos and watch 'Anne of Green Gables' in pieces over the weekend and can I just say - anything that you need to learn about life is captured in that mini-series. Seriously. Just the soundtrack brought tears and I realised how much I literally grew up watching it. Anne with an 'e' - how much I owe you. A bonafide literary heroine. It something about her fondness for home that just completely resonates with me; it is where my heart is.

Right here, right now...

2011-11-14T15:51:00.001Z

Hello. So it's a Tuesday; we are off to see Rihanna in concert tonight (get me: down with the kids). So I leave my little country-fied life for the big smoke. So as Autumn gently and gradually slips into a chiller winter, here is what is happening, right here, right now...

...stacked logs in the wood store...a ridiculously satisfying sight.

...one last remaining apple...

...the trusty Royal Rayburn...

...the (mucky) pup...

...the English hedgerow and the church over the road...

...last lone rose...

...the pup again...

...happy feet; shiny toed flats...

Well hello Friday, again!

2011-11-10T13:40:00.001Z

Well that was quick! Time is passing so fast at the moment I have to stick reminders to my front door of what is happening each day. My sister in law said she liked the 'poetic' style of my Friday post last week...so here is another...

Lauren Hutton

Musing on beauty and style and grace

Wearing skirts and dresses; ditching jeans.
Eyeing Christmas presents and planning ahead.

vila denmark via sarah klassen

Teacher's discussions and report cards.

Girl's netball match watching and muddy boots.

Peter pan collars and woollen tights.

via the audrey hepburn complex

Dog walking and more dog walking.

Economising and batch cooking...but there are always sprinkles.

via bippity boppity boo

Inexplicable urge to have my hair cut short!

Missing my husband who was in Madrid on business all week.

via classy in the city

Soothing my tearful boy after a play-date-gone-wrong.

Utter pride for my Boo; such a clever girl at school.

Mice in the attic, keeping me awake at night.

Remembrance Day poignancy and thankfulness for our freedom.

via classy in the city

Full days and empty days; such is my life at the moment.

Wondering: what next?

Hmmmm....who knows?! ;-)
Relax this weekend.
xxx

The beautiful people...

2011-11-09T21:59:00.003Z

The beautiful people. They could be considered as phantoms in my mind; partly made up of magazine images, partly made up of girls or women I have admired over time. You remember those girls at school who used to just catch your eye? When I was little, there was a girl named Cheryl; she wore fur-lined boots and had tumbles of blonde curls. Another girl, who had dropped out of the Royal Ballet School to join our suburban school; she had perfect posture and wore penny loafers with real french centimes in them. To me aged seventeen: the epitome of style.

via simply seductive

At University, a girl seen across a campus lawn; she wore a crisp white shirt with a big turquoise and silver pendant. When I started work in the corporate world, a girl called Sabine; she wore winter white and kitten heels. Amongst the flock of school mums; one draped in an equestrian tweed coat and Spanish brown leather boots. With a sleek ponytail and diamonds. In the street, wearers of pea coats and ballet shoes. I could go on. A myriad of little snippets; images and memories of cool that now make up my own personal definition. Those beautiful people who had that something; elegance, effortlessness, grace, style. Just something.

And as I grow older now I see that this style generally is something born with and not acquired. A fortuitous gift from God that will draw admirers. Much like the pictures on a blog that show loveliness in its purest forms. How lovely it must be to be one of the beautiful people! I am sure there are downsides too...but not many ;-)

via simply seductive

Autumnal nostalgia...

2011-11-08T14:56:00.001Z

Autumn days when the grass is jewelled...this time of year makes me nostalgic. I think of my first term at University, where it rained and rained and rained this time of year; blame the West country weather. But as students with less than 10 hours of lectures a week (yea, really) we didn't mind. More reason to stay tucked up in the one warm room of our student house and watch re-runs of thirtysomething or delve into the emotional highs and lows of a John Hughes film; 'She's Having a Baby' was a favourite. We were planning our family lives at 18 years of age! And here I am; living the family life.

It is now at this time of year that my University friends and I get together, for (whilst we are all in throes of motherhood) an annual catch-up. Knowing its coming up makes me miss them even more as life and geography has got in the way of us meeting often. So in Autumn I always get this slight heart ache, that yearning that comes from missing old and precious friends who you know you haven't seen nearly enough of.

via the ever lovely dustjacket attic

Meanwhile, my little life goes on; gearing up for the coming weeks as Christmas starts to draw closer. This year I have a sense of calm about the season that has definitely been missing for a long time. I am revelling in it. Just waiting for the first showing of the Coca-Cola ad; '...holidays are coming, holidays are coming...' to get me truly started.

I notice also that my concentration is shifting; getting back into focus. For so long there has been a haze that now is sharpening up. It's almost imperceptible, but it's there. I am so lucky to have the time to notice. It's amazing really how my mindset has changed. I feel...more in control than I have for years. It's a good feeling.

Hello Friday!

2011-11-04T15:02:00.000Z

The week that was...getting back into the swing of things...

Bonfire Nights and school homework.

Delivery of fire wood and stocking the larder.

The last of the summer roses and the first new season's plough of the fields.

via pretty stuff

Winter boots and having soup for lunch.

Dog walks and circuit training.

Middle of the night thunderstorms and in the morning: glistening autumn leaves.

via the ever wonderful backwards in high heels

Hosting friends and babysitting nephews.

Appreciating family and making catch-up phone calls.

Wardrobe clearing and guilt-ridden online shopping.

via a lady's findings

Mental justifications and physical aches.

Windswept hair and rosy cheeks.

Tea time and Victoria Sponge cake

via crush cul de sac

Thinking time and more thinking time...

Meanwhile...

I have written a guest post over at The Bottom of the Ironing Basket - the theme is 'wellness and well being' and I felt that was something I could add some thought to! See what you think about my pursuit of wellness...

Have a great weekend!

Delicious ambiguity...?

2011-11-02T07:10:00.002Z

Wednesday already? How did that happen? It seems that there is a direct correlation in my productivity based on whether I am in pain or not. The pain has returned this week, uninvited and unexplained. In recent weeks, after pretty intensive physio treatments, it was starting to wane and I was secretly thinking maybe this is it? Maybe my 19 month jaunt into the world of jaw ache and soreness was passing. Maybe life could regain it's keel and I could consider a future without it. But no. So this makes me i) kinda sad, but also ii) thoughtful and finally iii) more resolute.

painted by Degas

So it's on with the Pilate's and the healthy eating. It's on with the low stress lifestyle. It's on with the positive thinking. It's continuing to unfurl the changes in my thoughts and my life that might release me from this. It's not just the pain, it's the way I feel about the pain that affects everything.

One day it will go...one day...

Things of beauty...

2011-10-28T08:16:00.001+01:00

What a week...moments of greatness and moments of mundane all rolled into one. My youngest has been ill so we have spent a fair few days holed up at home, passing the time with DVDs and baking. Tough for my eldest who has had to sit it out with him some of the time, but entertained herself with puppy obstacle courses; that puppy can really learn! So cute to see them out in the garden together - she and the dog. I get these moments when, despite the additional work of having a puppy and the walks that are required each day, I see her and remember this is why we did it. He has rocked her world.

Can I just say...the dress...was after all not fate! There was one left and it was damaged so I received a very apologetic email (even more apologetic when I directed the lovely people at Purple Haze Couture to my blog post!). They are trying to source another but so far, no news. Ah well, maybe it wasn't meant to be!

I have thought about your comments on natural beauty and taken stock; we have to make role models if they don't readily present themselves. I think this is just the adjustment for me from raising a young girl to raising a young woman; it's a shift of thinking but I love that there are a host of friends out there who have advice for me. Thank you.

This weekend we are seeing friends and laying low; embracing the autumnal season, carving pumpkins and eating (more) apple crumble...the detox starts next week :-)

photograph by stephanie rausser

photograph by jamie beck

Ralph Lauren show...photograph by jamie beck

...beauty...

via young blood

Oh Olivia P...

painted by Jessica Cooper

Diane Kruger

impossibly lovely chocolate bisque via canelle et vanille

...vintage Molly Ringwald...oh the 80s, I heart you.

...ever gorgeous Giovanna Battaglia, editor of Italian Vogue

...I like the utility and the antique together...

...couldn't resist...aren't greyhounds just so...calming?

Role models...

2011-10-26T08:16:00.000+01:00

I spent three hours in the hairdressers on Saturday (covering grey; ugh) and killed some of that time reading magazines like 'OK and 'Hello'. This used to be a guilty pleasure where I'd catch up on my celebrity gossip. This time, despite reading four or five back-copies, I could hardly say my awareness of celebrity gossip has increased.

The pages were full of people I had simply never heard of! It's not that I have dropped off the face of the planet; it's because I don't watch the reality TV shows like 'The Only Way is Essex'. I sunk deeper and deeper into my chair whilst looking at the pictures of these girls. Inflated, exaggerated versions of young teens and women; dressed in platform heels with teased hair and too much make-up. Every other page they were there: pouting.

I know we blame the media for making women feel bad about themselves and, as I have a daughter and two nieces, this is something I am acutely conscious of. But for me these girls represent something different. This is not enticing girls to be slim; this is enticing girls to look like, well you work it out. I found it disturbing. The whole look is not about beauty or individuality or anything that tangible, it's about being a carbon-copy pneumatic big hair/small dress girl.

iconic image from Vogue

When I was growing up my media role models were supermodels like Cindy Crawford and Linda Evangelista. So beautiful they made my heart ache but at least versions of themselves that were not surgery-enhanced (not then anyway, and I believe not even now). At least they looked natural; albeit a form of natural beauty that very few women are blessed with.

Linda Evangelista

I am left with a feeling of disquiet about these new role models. They are not women; they look like exaggerated dolls (and not in a good way). Then I wonder...am I just subject to nostalgia about my youth and my role models? Never ever did I see Molly Ringwald in sky-high platform stilettos and too much make up...what place does natural beauty have now?

Molly Ringwald...natural beauty

The fate of a dress...

2011-10-24T07:35:00.002+01:00

I am quite particular about clothes; I have said before, I like certain things from certain places and have been known to covet a dress for months. If I really, really like it, I will chalk up all sorts of elaborate reasons why it must be mine and have been known to asset-strip our house and sell on eBay in an effort to earn to secure some item or another. It rarely backfires and I have got to the point where I am so sure of an item's suitability that I then keep it for years. I have dresses in my wardrobe that all have a story; I recall each purchase and keep each dress for years and years.

via pretty stuff

Playing in this fatalistic dance most recently is a velvet evening dress from Sienna Miller's own line twenty8twelve. I spotted it last year and could not afford it. I knew I would love it and it would love me, but at the time it was not a possibility. Then I forgot all about it and the seasons changed and that velvet dress was no longer at the forefront of my mind. Now the weather has turned and again velvet seems appropriate. This is where the immediacy of e-commerce takes my breath away. I remember a time when there was no Internet; there was no way to track anything down unless you had seen it, locally, with your own eyes. So google found the dress and wait, it was in the sale (it's so last season, you see). There was only one left. It was in my size. Need I go on? That dress was meant to be mine...

...said dress...

So it's on order - a leap of faith as I have never seen it in the flesh. I just know that it's my cuppa tea. And most of all I like that it took me a year to be able to get it. There has to be a life lesson in there somewhere.

I write this somewhat self consciously in the knowledge that the debate (battle) of differing opinion rages on whether serious and intelligent women can be interested in fashion. Are dresses just frippery? Does wanting this particular dress make me less of a serious person? Does this sort of dress-coveting make me vacant or shallow? These are the questions...but meantimes I'll be waiting for the postman...

via pretty stuff

Things of beauty...

2011-10-21T13:04:00.000+01:00

I write a lot about my children and my life and my home but rarely about my husband. Odd, as he is of course such a big factor in my life. At the moment he is working very hard and Monday to Friday has become a time when we pass each other in the hallway and I think...how long ago it seems that we were away together on holiday. I miss him. It's a double edge; half of me wants to support him utterly and be the dutiful corporate wife. The other half of me wants to say - was this the deal? Did we choose this? We hardly never see each other!

I loved the comments I got this week, especially those recommending new blogs to read. It was wonderful to cast that net and get such a response. Almost without fail I loved them all - so I guess that shows we all like the same thing. One though was particularly notable as the writing is just...heart-achingly good. It's this blog and as the writer Meg says, she likes to pen notes to the man she will marry. Don't think she's met him yet - but it got me thinking, if I was writing to my husband many years ago what would I ask for?! Certainly one proviso would be time together on a fairly regular basis! Isn't it ironic that we marry for love and then work hard for the future and in the process spend less and less time together?

Atleast it's the weekend and that means family time and chilling out and togetherness...

photograph by olivia graham

via copenhagen cycle chic

London...this is where my husband always seems to be...I miss him...

via skona hem

via luna and chloe weddings

via here

I like this; a bit much for the school run maybe but still...via crush cul de sac

photograph by aaron delesie

photograph by elizabeth messina

via atlantic pacific

photograph by emma lee

Its how I feel,,,via better than fine

Slugs and snails and puppy dogs' tails...

2011-10-20T07:12:00.000+01:00

I have a moth infestation in my house. I keep thinking that I am going to open a cupboard to find my woollens eaten right through. It started as an innocuous presence in my lounge and has now moved to full-scale house invasion. One extermination has not worked; we now move to the second stage. The man with the chemicals is returning. This can't be good with children and a puppy in the house. I feel like we should hold our breath. The moths in question are called woolly bears! Seriously! This is not a joke. They really are. Oh the joys of (a house that is over 300 years old) home-ownership.

via beauty and grace

Meanwhile, in IKEA, both of my children demonstrated that they are are products of their environment. Nature/Nurture? I think I have nurtured two little monsters judging by their behaviour. Am I the only mother whose offspring take on a 'Veruca Salt' quality when in large retail establishments? We all know what happened to Veruca salt; she was a bad nut and she went down the chute. Thank goodness for Roahl Dahl - that's all I can say. When they act this way all I have to utter is 'Veruca' in a hushed voice and they know; they've gone too far. Nevertheless though, wouldn't it be wonderful to have gracious, grateful children? How can they want so much when they have so much?

Oh Veruca...

In pursuit of the capsule wardrobe, I have embraced grey. This happens every autumn, when I decide that grey is the answer to all of my sartorial woes. The result is a a cupboard of (potentially moth-eaten) greyness...I have 15 versions of the grey knit; how many is too many? Must try a new colour...

via beauty and grace (great new recommended tumblr)

Finally, what are little boys made of? Slugs and snails...you recall the rhyme. My son never fails to amaze me. That is all.

It's all about the detail...

2011-10-19T07:42:00.000+01:00

Never before have the details in life seemed so noticeable to me. In almost every aspect of my little life, these details appear; that bit extra that makes something special. I have a friend who always says 'it's the detail!' when we shop for clothes. I am always the one looking for the best leather, the quirky detail, the right buttons.

Natalia Vodianova via a taste of blue

In motherhood, I see it's those little details that can make the day go more smoothly. Where I have have their favourite cakes as an after-school snack. At home, the meal that happens effortlessly but is made with the best ingredients and goes all to plan. The patience and coaching as I sit with them to do homework. I am noticing that given the time and pure dedication, it is possible for me to provide all of those little details.

Historically, I have always had a quiet awe for women who manage this. They are a certain type who are able to constantly stay one step ahead. When the children were smaller, these mothers were the ones who would (with a swish of a perfect ponytail) serenely draw out a nutritious snack and drink, where I would have forgotten mine and my toddler would have to chew on their own hands!

But...and I wouldn't be me if there wasn't a but...what is it all about?! Never before have I had the time or the inclination to be so bothered with these little details. Instead a perpetual inner dialogue in my head raged; always justifying why I couldn't make the perfect meal/be the best mother I could be/have lipstick and pretty dress on as my husband returned at the end of a busy work day. I railed against being too organised. But now I begrudgingly admit I judged those women whose day consisted of little else but managing these details. And look at me now; pot calling the kettle black.

There is a hint of Stepford wife-dom in my life at the moment, as I sense that I am subconsciously trying to make up for all my past wrongs. But the point is: they weren't wrongs exactly, they were just less-thans. I did less than I could have done, as I put priority into other areas; like time for myself or for my job.

via nantucket youth

I do enjoy the little details and it's a quiet thrill now to be able to provide them for my family...but I do wonder if it's unsustainable. All of this 'thinking' time is about me trying to establish how to live a life that does not burn the candle at both ends until everything is, frankly, well, extinguished. I read a book that is shiveringly accurate in its depiction of 'perfect' motherhood and its darker side. It's called 'This Perfect World'...and I have to say it was disturbing reading; for the degree to which I identified with these über mothers.

I know to some readers this will seem like an unimaginable depth of navel-gazing. But I find myself really questioning these elements of life at this time. We only get one chance at this; what is the best way to choose to live your life? Constantly striving for perfection or content with what you have?

I am thinking the best place to start this fundamental life pondering is with a cuppa tea and a good book; I'll let you know if I find the answer but until then...

Who do you read?

2011-10-17T07:15:00.004+01:00

I started reading blogs first...then I found myself wanting to leave a comment so I set up a blogger profile. Then I wanted to write, so I set up a blog. Then I made some blog friends so then I started to follow them. Then I started to follow others and others followed me. I spent a fair amount of time scanning around for new and exciting blogs and got to the point where I almost stopped reading the written word anywhere else. Magazines and newspapers became defunct; I got more immediate and wide-ranging enjoyment from blogs. Blogs were, and still are, the finger on the pulse. Most often I start sentences by saying 'I read somewhere...' and I realised I had read it on a blog.

if I were to partake in Manolo's; these would be them...via dustjacket attic

And so now I am an old hand. I have my favourite bloggers and I religiously follow them and love when the hit the 'post' button. I miss them when they go on holidays or take a break. I find myself wondering how they are, if something has happened that they have shared detail on. Similarly people leave me comments expressing the same sentiment about what they read on my blog; for example one friend saw Olivia P on TV and it made her think of me! (Love that) How funny and charming. It seems that there are things that are 'so Lou' that people associate with me.

via style me pretty

But I realise I have become somewhat stagnant with my reading. I think it's probably time I caught up and found some new places to visit.

Can you share any blog recommendations?

Which is your favourite blog?
Which one do you rush to?

Which blog has the best writing?
Which has the best images?

So c'mon share with me...won't you?

what a smile...via dust jacket attic

Things of beauty...

2011-10-14T11:41:00.001+01:00

Friday comes...a much-needed end of the week. My children have now broken up from school (again) and we have two week's of half term. As ever, the reprieve from the school run routine is greatly appreciated, but also there is that mild panic at the prospect of entertaining them. Must children be entertained constantly? I'm sure when I was a child we entertained ourselves more!

I read back on my blog this time last year and recognise a different me. What a difference a year makes; I was Lou but not the Lou I am now. It's subtle, but to me, very clear. Life is a journey and this particular phase is one of self-awareness. I've been too busy to notice very much of anything for years and now; well now I notice everything. I am acutely conscious in a new way. It's really good, enjoyable, informative.

So, the lovely Simone came to tea. And lunch. And we had cupcakes (well, why not?). There was a-l-h-o-t of talk, we covered many topics, time flew by and then away she went back to the big city! What a miracle the Internet is to bring friends to our doorstep. I never ever would have even met Simone unless I had done so through blogging. Who would have thought? A kindred spirit found out there in the wilderness of the web.

Longing for some quieter time this weekend. There is this danger of over-egging the weekend activities, leaving us drained by the time Monday rolls around. I'm still learning to find that balance; to live life at weekends but also to allow us to recoup as a family.

A whimsical grey and pink hue to my beautiful things this week...

via the front row

by Atlanta Bartlett

colours I love via JCrew

ohhh I like...the Mulberry Polly Push Lock

...impossibly pretty...Natalia Vodianova

striking eyes...photograph by eddie judd photography

the best things in life: tea and cake...photograph by Philip Webb

frilly skirts are lovely via bob and blossom

via Vogue Chanel Spring Summer 2012

Daddy is home; The Kennedy's...photograph by Jacques Lowe

via the front row

Wishing all of you lovely readers a happy weekend.

Order...

2011-10-12T20:41:00.000+01:00

Why does it matter that my life is ordered? All week I have been clearing the decks at home; emptying cupboards and clearing drawers. There have been a few prompts for this activity. Firstly: making it count. I am not at work at the moment, but will be going back at some point. I figure I should to make the most of my free days and get my life well and truly sorted. Secondly there is a sartorial prompt. I have trawled through my wardrobe and I have ditched anything that I have not worn for a year. This cull has been rather satisfying. All of the 'what if's' and 'maybe...one day's' have been discarded and I have sunk to the depths of the oldest hoards of clothes and have said 'goodbye'. On the advice of my lovely sister in law, I make an exception for dresses; which I keep for Boo in the hope that one day she will want to sport the vintage look. When and if she does; there will be dresses.

Country Living

The final reason for the semblance of an ordered house is the visit of my friend Simone, whom I am collecting from the train station tomorrow morning!! Whaaaaaat??? A never-before-clapped-eyes-on blog friend! Beyond excited.

...vintage Vogue

The result of this life laundry is contentment. There, I said it. I am one of those people. I like the order - no, more than that; I need the order. It makes for a simpler day. Things are where they should be. I am replete. They say life is about the simplest things, and for me this is one such thing. If I could bottle this feeling of order and save it for a later date, I so would.

Country Living

A day spent...

2011-10-10T20:47:00.000+01:00

A day spent. School drop off. After I went on a long run - using my favourite and most relied-upon route. I run around the roads where I grew up (one advantage of living in the same town for over 30 years; I know the way everywhere). I passed the theatre in my town where they were unloading sets. I passed the University and observed students piling in for their lectures. I ran on; pondering the days when I used to go to lectures, my attendance usually prompted by my friend Nikki, who was way more conscientious than I and could probably still recite our English Literature timetable, even now. I passed my doctor's surgery, then my childhood home, through the avenue of chestnut trees, leaves and conkers crunching underfoot.

via crush cul de sac

Home. A dog walk with my friend and new doggie partner-in-crime (she has my puppy's sister) around the fields. We discussed the single-worst-ever dinner party she attended at the weekend. Why would a host say the attire is 'informal' when she herself opens the door wearing a cocktail dress??! Nothing worse than turning up under-dressed.

Osteopath visit. My pain issue still not better, oh how I wish it were. It's very, very slow progress. I am developing patience unlike I have ever exhibited before.

A condensed shopping trip to salve my frustrations...where I purchased a short skirt not dissimilar to one I owned when I was 19. Is this a sign?

via crush cul de sac

School pick-up and home again. Homework hour. Where I established that I really can not do maths. English however; I managed.

A part showing of the film 'Mary Poppins' before their bed. A spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down.

Bubble and Squeak for dinner, as is Autumn's tradition. A Sunday roast must be followed by a Monday Bubble and Squeak. It is the law of our house.

And so my day was spent. You know how people ask: can the minutiae of someone's day really be of any interest to the masses? I do consider when I write this; really, who cares? But then I think of that line in 'You've Got Mail' and my small life...so good night, dear void!

Things of beauty...

2011-10-07T11:03:00.000+01:00

Thankfully it's Friday! This week has seen a flurry of appointments for me; taking me from one thing to the next, the week has flown by. It seems the more time I have, the more I fill it. It was my husband's birthday mid-week and poor thing had to leave the house at 5.30am to go to London, so no traditional family birthday-present-unwrapping for him. The children missed him completely and he's been away since. Looking forward to his homecoming later and a night out with friends. I am much in need of some friend time; I feel I am literally submerged in domestics at the moment. Yet again I realise afresh how much work full time motherhood is. Maybe a relaxed latte with work colleagues seems rather enticing afterall ;-)

The poignancy of blogging struck me this week when I saw that one of my first ever followers, Vibeke has very sadly passed away. Even in the short time I have written my blog, I have made genuine friends and as the months passed I noticed Vibeke was commenting less, posting rarely. It's always such a shock to read bad news on a blog; it's with such sadness as I absorb the passing of blogging friends. It feels like we've lost one of our own. I know there are many that remember Lisa in the same way.

And so to things of beauty...an autumnal feel as the season finally turns for good. I had the Rayburn fire lit this week so the kitchen is now toasty for the puppy. He seems quite pleased. Have a lovely weekend...

...an arch-browed Kate Moss, photograph by Mario Testino for UK Vogue

I'm really feeling this at the moment - I have some old friends who I feel I have not seen lately...we have scheduled a date in November!

chairs that I love....via molin y molinette

photograph by aaron delesie

photograph by trevor hoehne

LOVE the boats....photograph by Simon Brown

'...wrapped up with string, these are a few of my favourite things!' Boo has been singing this for her play audition...

via inspired joyful chaos

...ohh Olivia P...would you mind being me for a day, so I could be you?

order makes me happy...jars via 79 ideas

I get my longed-for nights out this weekend...

two of them!

On with the heels and dress!

Today's thoughts...

2011-10-04T12:43:00.000+01:00

I'm sure there are much better things to be doing than sitting here writingthis. It seems no matter how productive my plans are for a day, thatday arrives and I don't get as much done. I tell myself this is the newme; if it doesn't get done, it's OK. Go easy on yourself!

via this flickr

A country walk this morning with the pup. Yesterday itwas the beach, where I discovered that he knows his name but sometimeschooses not to respond to it! I am doing my best with the puppytraining but it's hard; just when I think I've cracked it, he remindsme that he is just a baby and is learning all the time.

photograph by aaron delesie

In recent months, my daughter Boo has been unsettled; at times to an alarming degree. I am so grateful now that she seems calmer. She is so diligent with her school work; so keen to please. In fact both of them have this innate need for reassurance and praise. This is, I assume, as it should be and those assurances are given daily, but still it seems there is always scope for more. I am trying hard to provide her with consistency and a regular rhythm in life, in the hope that it will give her confidence and surety. I've come to accept that some children need routine to thrive...

Meanwhile, yesterday my son had to have his hair cut; this is always a trauma for me as there is a Samson-esque quality about his hair. It is so him. His hair is his strength. He has blonde-tipped curls that I just adore - his hair is like a hit of mummy pheromones to me. So I stood by watching them tumble as his hair was cut and it is just a little too short. It'll grow...

The weather seems to have turned and we are back to some autumnal norm. I survey the apples fallen from the trees in our garden and wonder for the hundredth time - what am I going to do with them all? There is only so much stewed apple one family can take...so it goes in my country life.

Things of beauty...

2011-09-30T12:03:00.001+01:00

Here's to a second chance at summer; the weather this week has been glorious. Sunny, warm and like the much-talked-about-but-rarely-experienced 'Indian Summer' that we always get promised here in England. Having prepared for winter cool, I instead find myself digging out flipflops and linen skirts for this little spell of warm weather.

More puppy days have ensued - beach and field walks with him trotting along behind me like the new friend that he is. He is a pleasure...I recommend 'Dog Island'; it's good fun.

I am finding the days merge; punctuated by school runs and dog walks. It's an utterly suburban life and whilst I am revelling in every moment, I get pangs occasionally of wanting the high life. To be out in the city with friends. Wearing heels. I usually get this feeling at this time of year and have come to expect it; it leads to plans for nights out to satiate this need to socialise after dark! The feeling that makes you want to put on a dress and head out. Somewhere glitzy. Hmmm, will have to work on that...

via a lady's findings

via bippity boppity boo

love this...source unknown

via the Sartorialist

photograph by Mikkel Vang

photograph by Polly Wreford

photograph by Jamie Beck

Here's to a sunny weekend...Byeeee!

New groove...and wisdom...

2011-09-27T10:57:00.002+01:00

Tuesday heralds the settling in of my new groove. This is the dog-owning, non-working, friend-seeing Lou who seems to be quite full of patience and calmness. I am struck by how much patience I have at the moment for things like maths homework and getting elaborate before-school-hairdos right for Boo. Going back for the third goodbye hug from Boo 2 as he goes to his classroom. I am realising I have been in a rush for ten years and finally, after months of slowing, I have now slowed down. Imperceptible it was - but when I regard the contrast between then and now, I can see it clear as day.

I read back on my blog, just a few months, to see if I was imagining the difference in myself. But there it was; a completely frazzled version of myself. When I read what I wrote I feel like taking myself in hand and saying 'STOP!' in just the way that many of you did. So that brings me to blogger's wisdom. This is what I call the gems left for me in comments from an array of friends. Regular commenters who stop by to say hello and who email me for updates. People who say that I write in way they 'get' and who use lovely complimentary words about me. Friends who dispense wisdom to me that I genuinely take heed of. People like Simone and Jeanne. Sophie and Carina. Alison and Melissa. Chania and Tania. Deej and Rhiannon. Mary and Amanda...not to mention Sarah and Lori. Carrie and Charlotta. Oh and also Marsha and Natasha. I could go on and on...

Who would have thought there was such kindness and wisdom on the web? I'm bowled over, I really am. So in this moment of clarity - thank you, thank you, thank you! I am indebted. The blog world continues to enrich and make me feel good.