Time and perspective...

posted on: Saturday, 9 August 2014

In the mind of me, it has been a tumultuous place. Calming now and as per usual after one has had a short illness or a pitfall, I look back and think: 'what the hell was that?!' Incredible how it takes me away with it, like a tide, and then I feel blue and skirt around it on the blog and readers comments saying 'don't be hard on yourself' and leave book recommendations. I love them for that. Thankfully feeling better now, after the intervention of Florida sunshine and some common sense from all those around me. This damn mid life crisis is really 'kicking butt' to coin an Americanism.


For all the brooding, life is good. I simply must be grateful. There has been so far a proper summer, with a long spell of uninterrupted warm days and the ease of daily dressing; top and bottoms, flip-flops, messy hair, tanned face. For all that I love the seasons, summer is the best. This is all tied up with my palm tree theory that I have recently alluded to.

My daughter, Boo, continues to amaze me with her teenage mind. Increasingly after the perils of the last year, I feel like I have got her back this summer. I reacted very strongly to her growing up, in a way that I hadn't encountered before, and now I see that actually it was me who needed to change and not her. I am a self-confessed change-hater, so this was always going to be hard. But over this summer her and I have chilled. The house with teenagers in it is a richer place and for all of the rueful sighs in society about their reliance on social media and the demons that come with it, deep down they are good eggs. She has morals and I hear her outline principles to her nine year old brother and my heart swells as her measure of right and wrong is where it should be. A little South of mine, but still, on the right side of the dividing line. I know that by nature, teenage years are not stable and I am sure I will lament again in future. But for now, we are good.


Surrounded by chaos, the building work continues. In fact it goes on and on and doesn't seem to reach any sort of conclusion. Problem after problem, there is a lot of chin-stroking and sucking of teeth. There have been times where I wonder why on earth we ever embarked on such a big project and laugh at my foolishness of thinking that making a Pinterest board on interiors would actually be useful! I can see now that the styling stage is so far off and frankly, what I am living with is dust, rubble and builders arriving at 7am every morning (or even worse not arriving for three days and there being no progress whatsoever). As ever it's all about how you look at things. My husband has an unfailingly happy approach to all of this, finding a new wall outside a great, new development. I am interested in the inside. Until my house is restored to some order, the outside is peripheral. All of our belongings have been moved and we are shrinking into a smaller and smaller living space. I feel like I should be on one of those home TV programmes where the presenter infers that the 'owners are loosing it'! Really trying not to loose it but clearly my recent penchant for tropical escapism is hardly surprising. Anywhere but here...!


Meanwhile the days are a whirl of summer holiday clubs (last week tennis, next week surfing), dog walks, stolen moments of yoga or running, and trying to get a handle on what the future might hold. I think possibly a part time job or a serious return to my consulting work. I re-read old blog posts (one fabulous side product of writing a blog is this activity; I am staggered by some of the things I have written but never go back and edit: it is what it is). It's good to be reminded of the loveliness that was giving up work. But I can see that it may well be time for me to do something for me again. After all, 40 is no age to retire completely, is it?! ;-)


2 comments :

  1. Summer days are drifting on at a pace here too. It's been a blissfully sunny summer and we've been enjoying every meal outdoors, which I love. Of course we have a pretty good selelction of summer camps going on - from rock climbing, to camping, basketball to farms. Tiring them out nicely!

    My son will be 12 in December. I feel I'm getting a little taste of the teenage years to come! An 'attitiude' seems to be showing. I'm actually quite dreading what is to come! Breathe!

    I'm dabbling in a little work again after almost 11 years as a SAHM. Jamie Oliver At Home launched in the US a year ago and I've joined as an independent consultant. Loving the products and the social aspect to the 'parties'. It fits in with our lifestyle is all very local.

    A week of having our kitchen remodelled last year was enough for me. Thinking of you and Simone with your ongoing building projects and hoping that a few in-progress photos may make their way onto both your blogs and the final 'before and after' photos too in the not too distant future.

    Happy weekending.

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  2. Hi Lou! I'm still getting caught up after our return from Europe. Perspective is an interesting and beautiful thing, isn't it? I'm sorry about the house work - I truly do know how miserable it can be. I hope you start to make tangible progress that you can celebrate soon. I also hope you'll share some of that progress here with us. I'm interested to hear what you're thinking about a possible return to work, in some form or another. I've got to get my kids settled into school first and so my mind is occupied by that, but I also know that my return to work is imminent and I have not mentally prepared for it yet. Fingers crossed everything falls into place. I hope you also find a situation that works for you and your family. Enjoy these last days of summer!

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