Same/sane...

posted on: Friday, 30 May 2014

Half term week; Boo has revision, my son needed some down time after his school schedule. He watches TV, she surrounds herself with books, fanning them out on her bed with her in the middle (and her phone). I am not sure how productive either exercise is, but I am willing to try it for harmony's sake. We had a visit from my nieces for a couple of days too, which was lovely. It's so nice to see children grow up and get glimpses of what they are going to be. I loved getting to know them better. Of course they consider me the mad Aunt and I don't mind that at all. The fact that I talked about becoming a beekeeper and that I tape wordy quotes all over the house amuses them. I am happy to amuse; in families what can be positive is seeing something different to what you know.

just love this image....Brazil 1961 via green eyes 55
I read this book - as I am often apt to do - a psychology book keeps me on track. I have read so many now that I know in the first few pages whether it's going to be a keeper. I am interested in myself at the moment. There has been a swing in recent weeks (months?) where my mood took a dive and I started questioning everything. I do this a few times a year; it often coincides with getting ill or spending too much time alone. Yet even though I know this, and can see it happening like watching a film of myself, I still 'let' it happen. And then I beat myself up for letting this introversion multiplied by a million take place. And I write about it here and lovely kind readers leave comments. I eventually come to my senses and everything goes back to normal. Strange merry-go-round. So back to the book - really interesting and really simple. Do new stuff. Get out your comfort zone. Form new neural pathways of learning. Know that your thoughts are not you. I am trying to learn to take or leave them...

I have not been able to run or do yoga in about three weeks and I am stunned at the difference it makes. My muscles! They are seizing up as I type this. There is no question that moving makes me happier. Next week I will get back to training again.

Our house, amazingly, is still standing despite having a 2 metre deep pool of green water at its foundations. We had an oil leak and so this process of time and waiting seems to be part of the decontamination process. Wildly frustrating and at times pretty unpleasant, but genuinely trying to just let that shit go. Literally.

Instead I look at pretty pictures and imagine forward a time when my house looks pretty again.

Yesterday my son and I decided to climb a big hill in the next county; one I have driven past my whole life and never climbed. New neural pathways anyone? And it felt good. He talked, I listened. We saw a spiky caterpillar. From the top we looked down and saw England's green and pleasant land - like something out of Jane Austen. Sometimes you have to climb the hill to get the view.



5 comments:

  1. Another great post, you are on a roll Lou. Looking forward to the book!!!....your comment re your nieces thing you are slightly mad made me giggle, several of my daughters friends think I am batty, it rather pleases me!
    I SO sympathise with you on the building work, it is very similar to our house renovations here.
    Have a super weekend xxx

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  2. Oops, should read thinking........

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  3. I love that you leave quotes about the house - I used to do it a lot too (need to get back to it). I would hang them on the fridge - words usually meant to encourage my son about choices and behavior. I never thought he really noticed them until he quoted one back to me verbatim the other day.

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  4. I love the thought of you & your son climbing the hill and seeing things from another angle both literally and metaphorically. It's great when you have those moments (though they seem to be getting rarer) when you have down time with your child and they properly engage with you. Their conversation can be the best in the world sometimes!
    Have a lovely weekend my friend xxx

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  5. With boys - you have to grab wonderful moments like that with both hands. May you have many more.
    Hope you have a lovely day,
    Liz x

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