Inbetween...

posted on: Wednesday, 7 May 2014

There are many recurring themes in what I write here, for example;

my ongoing and relentless search for certain perfect items of clothing or shoes,
the merits of white-washing everything in your house,
curry nights and Sunday roasts,
motherhood and all its glory,
Pinterest (in general),
the pursuit of kindness,
comparing and contrasting working life to stay at home mother life,
missing old friends,
balancing life,
making fresh starts,
the book that is apparently in me, but is shy in making an appearance,
first world problems,
and on and on...


I am now nearly ten months into my 'retirement' and life is good. Well, what I have found is that life has all of its ups and downs, as it always did. What has changed is my ability to see them coming and roll with them. I must admit I am not much better at handling stress than I ever was; once a worrier always a worrier. Which is annoying because my worries have shifted from the minutia to the enormous - things like the state of society or my children's future happiness. Things which I can't for one moment hope to know or really influence. But I am doing my best. I am trying to embrace my quirks.


The novelty is still there of having a day stretch out ahead in the knowledge that I could, if I wanted to, read a book or watch a box set episode. I rarely do, as it happens. I seem to spend my time shuttling items around my house, running errands, thinking all the time. There is a beauty in the simpleness of my life, but there is also an impatience for the next thing; whatever 'the next thing' might be. I love having time and have become fiercely protective of it, guarding my schedule like the most well-trained secretary and never over-squeezing the day. But the mundane can get to me and I wonder why then I don't get stuck into the other ventures that are there for the taking. The business. Or the book. It turns out that after many years of hard work, I am now reluctant to work hard. Funny how it goes. It might be possible that the habit of working hard is exactly that: a habit. And one I have got out of.

It's not as if I am idle, but I am certainly not at full (even half?) capacity.


But it's OK - there is always the house building work which is going disastrously not to plan. It's a laugh or cry decision; I choose laugh. Or Boo's birthday next week (13!!). She got braces fitted and we spent the weekend trying every soft food known to man. Braces REALLY hurt. Or the perennial de-clutter. Or the entire back-catalogue of 'Gossip Girl'. Or walking on the beach, like I did this morning in a deserted 8.15am setting.


My thoughts turn to being 20 years old and having all of this set out ahead of me. Now I have arrived. I have the evening kitchen table covered over with kid's homework and jam jars from the morning and 'to do' lists and a glass of red wine...

Is this all part of the process?! Wisdom please :-)

4 comments:

  1. My goodness we sound alike - I could've written this post! Right down to the house troubles. Different specifics, of course, but the same 'laugh or cry' frustrations. I hope yours turns around soon. The paradox of being at home is unsettling sometimes, isn't it? It can be hard to know what to do with time once you have it! And staying organized is completely different when your schedule is more open. But I'm sure you remember the feeling of having too-full days and wishing there was more time to just be. I try to remind myself of that any time I find myself getting restless. Also...to-do lists and the act of checking off tasks. It always feels good, doesn't it? I don't know what any of it means, but I do try to appreciate and take time for things that make me happy. Sorry I have no wisdom to share, but I can certainly relate! :-)

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  2. I do so like that you come back to many topics time and again. It feels like you are a real person on the other side of the blog and not merely a 'magazine' style blog posting random unconnected posts.

    I am relishing the open schedule of the weekdays right now (although that will all end in just 5 weeks when the LONG school summer vacation starts here!). Leading up Christmas life just became too busy. There were just too many places to be. Coffee / drinks / lunch with other mums. School volunteering. Playdates for kids. Sports, parties, events etc. Trying to fit in half hour run became difficult - half hour that's all I needed! SInce January, I've made a conscious decision that one coffee get together per week is enough. A couple of runs during the week days is enough. A little less school volunteering. So days have become less packed and I feel better for it.

    I too have little more wisdom than you or Mary, other than if it feels right for you and makes you happy, then do it. Create a Done List, rather than a To Do List and that will show you how much you have achieved. The rest can wait - except the glass of wine of course!

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  3. I have no words of wisdom other than just try and enjoy each day and live in the moment (as that is all we have). I am a worrier like you, and it's the only way I can control my mind; by just trying to be absorbed in what I am doing and not letting my mind race ahead of me (because then a mental car-crash is likely ;-) So when you walk on the beach for example, just be fully present in that moment and it will slowly become a reminder of how lucky you are to be able to do many of the things you do :-) xx

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  4. Sometimes you feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present. Let's see the beauty in the present and don't worry about the future.

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