'Did I miss 60B...?'

posted on: Tuesday, 29 April 2014

There I was going along, thinking I was doing pretty well, I had even started to get that smug feeling that I had life under control...and then: stuff happened and I realised, not so much. A return to the school term after a lesson-learning Easter holiday. Keep them busy, but ideally not to extent that I run myself ragged trying to do it all. Sound familiar? Oh to be young and carefree...

It transpires, when it comes to motherhood, there is no right or wrong way and no matter how hard you try at it, that little person you created will do what they do and you can't stop it. This is a hard concept for me; I like to have some control and the full knowledge that I have lost it (did I ever have it?!) is challenging. My daughter - well - I have to let her make her mistakes and I can't undo them for her. It sounds so easy - such a sage piece of life advice, but the reality is proving so hard, I can't even tell you. The (many) fears I have for her need to stay under wraps and she must learn that life is a wild and precious thing, the answers to which will not be found on her phone. I wonder if I missed something along the way - some important step that I should have taken - to make sure that she was better equipped? The thing is, I can't prevent life happening to her in all it's mess and beauty so I just have to stand by. And it's kinda killing me. Slowly.

So I turn back to the things that feature in my day to day. The building work at our house, diggers arriving every day at 7am. Word of advice: getting new drains fitted to an old, old house is one of those soul-sucking endeavours. Lots of mess, lots of mud - very few visible results!

I missed three weeks of yoga and running so this week I went back. I ache like I have been hit by a steam-train - how can the fitness dissipate so fast??! But it's good to be back.

The weather hinted at Spring and then got coy again. If it stays cold I want some of these fairly keenly.

More laundry than I know what to do with. Again.

High hopes for summer. Beach-time. Always.

Plans, plans and more plans. Many of which are for them and not me.

Mental note: need to make some plans for myself...

For those who are wondering about the title, it's an 'Elizabethtown' reference.

Happy Tuesday.


  1. What a beautiful post. My daughter is 14 and I know exactly what you mean. Trying to figure out what's going on from her Instagram account! At least she lets me follow but it's such a far cry from when I was her whole world… Must watch Elisabethtown, it looks great. Amanda

  2. Happy Tuesday. I am a born worrier so have no idea how you step back and let her learn for yourself, but I do sometimes wish I'd got that sooner as a child/teenager as it took me some time to learn to stick up for myself, cope with knocks and get back up again and all that jazz. I am fairly resilient now though - it comes with time.

    I hope you do make plans for yourself. I think we all get those moments when things start to unravel, I am clawing my way back out of one right now but I think it is less a sign of failure or complacency but more one of the fact that life is not static or stable but always shifting.

    Happy Tuesday to you xx

  3. I think if we look back on our own lives we learnt so much from our mistakes in life. I think it is much better to learn from these mistakes as a teenager rather than esperience this pain later in life when the pain is much greater. We do need to give our children wings so they can fly.

  4. Your opening line.......Lou, you are doing well, worrying for and on behalf of our children just goes with Motherhood. Very hard to step back, easier said than done. I totally understand the pain that goes with the fear we feel for our offspring, the need to protect is a fierce emotion. Hang in there, make those plans for yourself, just let her know she has your support.
    This is a chapter in a bigger story. xxx

  5. Letting children learn from their mistakes is one of the hardest things to do as a parent. You WANT to fix it. You WANT to tell them (and have them listen and learn from your experience - they usually won't). All you can do, is the best you can; love them fiercely and unconditionally and cross your fingers.

  6. I can't get out from under my laundry. Ever.

  7. Hi! Letting go has to be the hardest part of parenting. I'm not really there yet, although it happens so gradually doesn't it? But that's what love is...letting go and letting go, while always remaining there whenever they need us. I'm not ready for it yet. But I guess they grow up whether we're ready for it or not.

    Good luck with the house work and the laundry and the fitness. I have some catching up to do after vacation as well.

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  9. Elizabeth Town - one of my very favourite films.

    No only learnng from their mistakes, but letting them have the freedom to make some mistakes so that they can learn. I find here in the US that many children are so over protected and watched that they do not get a chance to make a mistake, learn from it, experience life and grow.

    I too am finding my stride again and out running after a few weeks off. It's a killer !!!

    Happy Monday.

  10. Spend More Time With Your Children
    It does not matter if you work full time or part time. Maybe you stay at home with your children but you are working from home. Even if you stay home with your children, you are busy trying to get everything done. No matter who you are, you probably think that you are not spending enough time with your children. Quality time, that is. There are many ways to spend more time with your children.
    Your children do not need to play every sport or do every extracurricular activity out there. You could spend all of your time running your children from one practice to another. Pick just one or two activities that your children love and stick with them.
    Plan family dinners where everyone sits at the table, eats, and talks about their day.
    Make dinners special so everyone likes to spend time together while eating.
    Let your children help when you are working on things.
    They can help fix dinner, clean, and fix things. Children learn by watching and doing. Chores can turn into time together so that they are much more enjoyable.
    Do things that your children want to do.
    It is hard when the house is a mess but get on the floor and play with your children. Play games that they enjoy. Have a movie night and watch their favorite movie.
    Find things that you enjoy doing together.
    Arts and crafts can be a big hit. NightArt is helping bring parents and children together. You can design a drawing and watch it light up together.
    No one feels like they spend enough time with their children. However, you need to make the most of time spent together, instead of worrying if you are spending enough time together. Find things that you enjoy doing together, like NightArt. Check it out at http://www.nightart.org/fundus. It will bring out the artist in everyone, bringing families together.


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