It transpires, when it comes to motherhood, there is no right or wrong way and no matter how hard you try at it, that little person you created will do what they do and you can't stop it. This is a hard concept for me; I like to have some control and the full knowledge that I have lost it (did I ever have it?!) is challenging. My daughter - well - I have to let her make her mistakes and I can't undo them for her. It sounds so easy - such a sage piece of life advice, but the reality is proving so hard, I can't even tell you. The (many) fears I have for her need to stay under wraps and she must learn that life is a wild and precious thing, the answers to which will not be found on her phone. I wonder if I missed something along the way - some important step that I should have taken - to make sure that she was better equipped? The thing is, I can't prevent life happening to her in all it's mess and beauty so I just have to stand by. And it's kinda killing me. Slowly.
So I turn back to the things that feature in my day to day. The building work at our house, diggers arriving every day at 7am. Word of advice: getting new drains fitted to an old, old house is one of those soul-sucking endeavours. Lots of mess, lots of mud - very few visible results!
I missed three weeks of yoga and running so this week I went back. I ache like I have been hit by a steam-train - how can the fitness dissipate so fast??! But it's good to be back.
The weather hinted at Spring and then got coy again. If it stays cold I want some of these fairly keenly.
More laundry than I know what to do with. Again.
High hopes for summer. Beach-time. Always.
Plans, plans and more plans. Many of which are for them and not me.
Mental note: need to make some plans for myself...
For those who are wondering about the title, it's an 'Elizabethtown' reference.