posted on: Thursday, 12 December 2013

Thank you so much for the comments to my last post. It never fails to amaze me how blog land can deliver kindred spirits from nowhere; droplets of wisdom and the sentiment of 'me too' that soothe my addled mind. Somehow, knowing that others feel the same helps. As does the assertion that what I write here is the territory of 'everywoman'. I like everywoman - she's a friend of mine.

She likes going to bed before 9pm in flannel pyjamas. But she also likes dressing up, wearing heels and pretending like she's 25 again. She is wise and knows her own mind. She reads. She absorbs. She notices the details. She rolls with the punches and picks herself up afterwards.

In what will now be remembered as 'the-most-challenging-parenting-month-so-far' I look back and see that life really does pack some punch when she wants to. My husband and I have exchanged looks this week imploring each other to shoulder the burden. You don't realise when you have babies that they will grow up to become your whole life and that life will throw all sorts at both of you. You do it together. We realised this week that we make a good team. Even if half of the discussions had to take place by conference call from Germany, where he was.

Nothing happened that I will recount here for I am becoming increasingly aware of my children's privacy - after all, for all I know my daughter or her friends could be reading this. I think it's all going to be OK though. I have thought a lot about our family and what our values are. What spoken and unspoken codes we hold true and how they are being passed down. I think of my upbringing and how my Mum gently guided me, as she still does now, with a serenity and patience that I only hope I can emulate.

As I have said before; parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint.

Meanwhile this 'everywoman' deals with the every day. The pup needs to go to the vet. The laundry needs doing. The presents need wrapping. The minutiea of life falls to me. I read recently that the reason women my age are so tired (tiredness is the new epidemic, right?) is that they carry so much in their heads all the time. Each little event needs to be stored and managed. This accounts for the fogginess that descends on me sometimes. I am sure I used to be better at organisation?!

I went for a run today. Sometimes running is like penance and I struggle to complete even a few kilometres. Today, I could have run and run and run. So even though my mind is full to overflowing, the body was willing. The endorphins afterwards carried me through the day. And now, as I type this, my kids are eating pasta (staple diet), there is a glass of wine for me (or two) and a fish dinner later, Ellie Goulding is playing on the iphone and despite everything, I must remember that life is good.

via brown dress with white dots

Up in the air...and not with George Clooney.

posted on: Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Where did all the calm go? Each morning my alarm goes off and I think: (in complete darkness; damn this midwinter) how can it be morning already? I only just closed my eyes.

I'm in a blog writing funk. You know when people say 'if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all'? That is me. There is so much going on; even by my standards I am having simply too many thoughts right now. They are spilling over. It's partly that end-of-term fatigue of having done months of the school run. It's also Christmas - I love every droplet of festive magic but, my goodness there is so much to do. Add to the mix that we are going away to a sunny climate for Christmas (bikini body in December? err no) and hey presto - we have a full scale logistical operation on our hands.

I feel like things are up in the air. Family life has shifted on its axis in that inimitable way it does. One minute you're on top of everything, it's all running smoothly. Each family member is in their allotted groove. Then BOOM: no longer. It's nothing dreadful or life-changing but the last few weeks have been sufficient to ruffle my parental feathers and cause every waking moment to be spent pondering what to do. The old Louise negativity has arrived and I am trying to send it away. But there are only so many rousing quotes you can read before coming to the conclusion that sometimes life just gets tougher. It's a phase; got to ride it out.

I could update you on a gazillion other things; like the new checked trousers I bought when I had absolutely no intention of buying checked trousers. Or the fact that I had a whistle-stop evening trip to London last week, consisting of two epic train journeys and not much in between. It seems we do live in a backwater, considering the time it took to get to the big smoke. I loathe the train. On the daily dog walk I spent a good fifteen minutes wondering where in the woods I would sleep if I were Katniss from 'The Hunger Games' and I was forced to sleep outside! I know: WTF. Oh and by the way, I decided not to cut my hair. I have had my first pang of properly missing corporate life - this had to happen sooner or later - fifteen years of conditioning doesn't die overnight.

Forgive me a moment of bah humbug - but what is the deal with the media/advertising extravaganza of Christmas parties. Who goes to these parties? Who holds these parties? Is it just me or does the social calendar not consist of a plethora of amazing parties at which one must wear sparkles? Or red? I'm missing out...not one party invite on my horizon!

So you see? I would love to bring you Christmas cheer and happy mellow thoughts of calm but in fact nothing could be further than the truth. Hah.

Meanwhile, can I just ask something? For those of you who drop by and want to comment - what is your favourite blog in the whole world? Who posts a post and makes your heart sing? I need some new blogs to plunder and I am looking for inspiration...

I'll come back when I am in a better mood ;-)