Blogs are strange places. I have written this blog for nearly four years and though all it really represents is a place in the internet ether; not a tangible thing I can hold or feel, it still is important to me. One way to describe it is like an old friend I can visit who totally 'gets' me. In that time some people, friends even, have expressed incredulity at why I need to write it. I've been shy about it and bashful. I have fretted over comments and made important life decisions based on what I and others have written here. See what I mean? Strange! It matters enormously to me and for as long as it does I will still care that people read it and that I write it (and that it has a swanky make-over every now and then for that matter!)
Meanwhile my Monday morning required a decision between early morning yoga or early morning beach walk; I opted for the latter. Oh, the decisions I face! The beach was deserted and just so beautiful. It's my happy place at the best of times but today; high tide, it was near perfect. I walked so far along the coast I came to the part where the really exclusive houses perch right on the water; the closest place we have to The Hamptons - or at least as I imagine, having never been to The Hamptons. Note to self: really want to go there, along with Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket.
So there I was, alone on the beach, the very place that so perfectly captures my introvert self, only a few stray dog walkers in the distance and miles and miles of sea. Then it hit me; a feeling of disquiet that I was TOO happy! This is so typical me - not just introverted but also self-critical - I found myself wondering: can one be too happy?! And much like sea fog, the existential angst set in. I laughed out loud at myself. I notice that I am so enjoying myself at the moment, so very grateful for my lot, that I get these questioning emotions where I wonder if I deserve such good fortune. Then I conclude with a deep breath of fresh air: it's fine, it's all good - 'YOLO' it.
|via a sunny afternoon company|