Truth, choices and avoidance tactics...

posted on: Tuesday, 19 February 2013

In response to my last post, an outpouring to advice, truth, empathy and honesty. I know: you hear me. Seems that mother's angst associated with those choices made for our children, in the interests of 'what is best for them', is all too common. I have had a few days to think about things and to absorb the whole back-to-work thing that has been looming for quite a while. I looked at my Face book feed and can literally trace it building from a month or so ago.

via a well traveled woman
I feel better now and so does my son. Funny how children bounce back. A treat arrived in the post from his Godmother - beautifully timed and full of the love and wit that makes me miss her daily presence in our lives more than anything. I know she had to marry a Dutchman and move to The Netherlands by my God I miss her so much...

I note in myself that when life gets too full of things I can't resolve, I turn to an outrageously shallow pursuit: looking for clothes on line. There, I have admitted it. I think of an item - the perfect ballet flat, the perfect blazer, the perfect white shirt - and then I scour the web in search of it. It helps me forget about the daily grind. Something about the search is calming, in those quieter moments of family life; even if I find it, I rarely purchase. I just like the chase, the possibility. Well...most of the time ;-)

So - my conclusion is, as ever, that I think too much. I need to not over analyse whatever work I do, whether it's corporate, small business or otherwise. Everybody works, that is how the world spins and I need to remind myself that most mothers are juggling and fretting, wondering if choices made are right or not. The hardest part is: there is just no way of knowing. I notice that months, even years pass (it's my 39th birthday in a month - now, that crept up) and life persists with it's 'blink and you miss it' quality.

I am sure it will slow down one day...


I must learn that there is something about my happy place that requires things to be 'just so' - or at least nodding in the direction of 'just so'. I must instead get back to concentrating on the aspects of each day that ease the way. Like the perfect colour of summer. Or my daughter's sharpening and worldly wit (she is her father's child). Or that one of these days there will be a perfect hair day. Or mastering the lizard pose in my daily yoga practise. Or that some time...some day...this country will break into warm, dry weather again and there will be scenes like this.

via pure beach boho

5 comments:

  1. I am so glad that things are looking a little brighter for you and your Son. You are not alone in seeking solace and a diversion when things get tough. I do the same, but trawl the internet for all things interior. Hey, if it works, go with it!

    I hope the sun is shining for you today.
    xxx

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  2. Dear Lou,
    I'm so pleased that you and your son are feeling better about things .......and, there's nothing better than a parcel in the post to cheer you up is there ?!!
    I'm afraid that I trawl the internet, looking for lovely clothes and things for the home and, unlike you, usually buy them !!!! ..... and, I don't really need anything. I'm afraid that the love of all things beautiful never leaves you, even at my age !!!!
    It's clear blue skies and sunshine here today so I hope that you are having the same ..... trouble is, temperatures are going to drop and there may be flurries of snow again !!!! Still, we do know that Spring will be here before we know it. Just think, if it was hot and sunny all of the time, we wouldn't enjoy it so much ! XXXX

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  3. Dear Lou

    I am so happy that both you and your son are doing better! Regarding the internet, me too, I search for beautiful things, normally clothes or shoes. Pinterest is a great therapy, I think.

    I keep telling myself that soon it will be warmer, the days longer and Spring will be here.

    Sending you lots of sunshine, Manuela

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  4. Dear Lou,
    Glad things looking a little brighter after last weeks 'hiccup'
    We've got to just keep on going and look forward to the many happy challenges that being a Mum entails.
    Hope you have a lovely day,
    Liz x

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  5. You sound so much more positive. The one thing to always remember is you are never the only one going through this. We all have our bad days and I suppose I love your blog because you so often write how I am feeling. Have a lovely week

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