Introspection...

posted on: Tuesday, 6 November 2012

I've been thinking a lot. I guess this was bound to happen; I took a six month sabbatical in order to contemplate my navel, so what did I expect?!

This self-imposed self-regard may come across as banal to readers and I am acutely aware of that. Bear with me. I am taking the time to really think about the choices we have made in life and where they have taken us. People often comment that I think about stuff that most people just skip over. I can't help thinking; all the time thinking. An Olympian thinker.

via cape cod collegiate
As a result of all of this thought, sometimes confusion rises up in me and I wonder where it came from? A complex and heady mix of upbringing, experience, values, self-awareness all converge and I want to come out fighting. Against what I am not sure! Should we have pursued such tough careers? Should money and the requirement to earn it outweigh the balance of pleasure and relaxation in life? When will it all be enough? Am I bringing up my children to strive for the whole exhausting rat-race in the same way as I did? What are these feelings I have, deep down, that make me wish for perfection? Even though I know it's not attainable?!

Bizarrely, despite the fact that my more recent choices (starting a new business, time off from the corporate world, new schools, big-time investment in making life purposeful and pleasurable) have been well-founded and beneficial, I am suffering I think, a confidence dip. This is perplexing and strange to me, but it is a fact nevertheless. Oh and not to mention: a third world problem.

What would I advise Boo to do? As frankly, when you have an eleven year old daughter almost every conversation turns into a life lesson; be it the purpose of modern democracy to the merits of wearing florals with stripes. I would tell her to believe in herself. To stay strong. To get on with it, shake it off, put it behind her - whatever 'it' was. So, that's what I am going to try to do. That, and to stop thinking so much!

via cape cod collegiate