Introspection...

posted on: Tuesday, 6 November 2012

I've been thinking a lot. I guess this was bound to happen; I took a six month sabbatical in order to contemplate my navel, so what did I expect?!

This self-imposed self-regard may come across as banal to readers and I am acutely aware of that. Bear with me. I am taking the time to really think about the choices we have made in life and where they have taken us. People often comment that I think about stuff that most people just skip over. I can't help thinking; all the time thinking. An Olympian thinker.

via cape cod collegiate
As a result of all of this thought, sometimes confusion rises up in me and I wonder where it came from? A complex and heady mix of upbringing, experience, values, self-awareness all converge and I want to come out fighting. Against what I am not sure! Should we have pursued such tough careers? Should money and the requirement to earn it outweigh the balance of pleasure and relaxation in life? When will it all be enough? Am I bringing up my children to strive for the whole exhausting rat-race in the same way as I did? What are these feelings I have, deep down, that make me wish for perfection? Even though I know it's not attainable?!

Bizarrely, despite the fact that my more recent choices (starting a new business, time off from the corporate world, new schools, big-time investment in making life purposeful and pleasurable) have been well-founded and beneficial, I am suffering I think, a confidence dip. This is perplexing and strange to me, but it is a fact nevertheless. Oh and not to mention: a third world problem.

What would I advise Boo to do? As frankly, when you have an eleven year old daughter almost every conversation turns into a life lesson; be it the purpose of modern democracy to the merits of wearing florals with stripes. I would tell her to believe in herself. To stay strong. To get on with it, shake it off, put it behind her - whatever 'it' was. So, that's what I am going to try to do. That, and to stop thinking so much!

via cape cod collegiate

10 comments:

  1. Dear Lou,
    Well, we can't help how we are made but, if thinking was an Olympic Sport, you would win GOLD and win it in style !!!! haha
    You are successful BECAUSE of your thinkng and how you want everything to be right and there's nothing wrong in that ........... you just need to take time out now and again.
    I meant to comment on your last post but didn't have time., about your pain thingy. We went to Rome with friends that we often go on holiday with. She has always suffered with migraines from a young age and has a stressful job. She has to inject when she feels the start of a migraine.... they are that bad BUT, when we are all on holiday she NEVER gets one. She is away from the source of stress and is relaxed when she is on holiday and maybe that is why. It sounds as if your problem could be stress but I expect they have gone down that avenue.
    Try and keep stress free Lou ( easier said than done!!) and just stop thinking for a few minutes a day ! Lots of love. XXXX

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  2. Lou my gorgeous girl, you ARE a thinker....that's the way it is, the way you are & it's never going to stop!!!

    But that's WHY you are the beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, wise, considerate, interesting and interested person that you are....need I go on?

    I love too what you say about every conversation with 11 year old Boo being a life lesson....I HEAR YOU!!! It SO is isn't it, it's exhausting sometimes!!!

    Great post....some days I almost feel like you do my thinking for me!! You are indeed an Olympian thinker XX

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  3. Dear Lou,
    I loved this post. My daughter is 27 and my son 25. As I watch them, trying so hard not to give them advice unless asked, they constantly amaze me. Much of what you said, I told them. In as many ways as I could. I also tried very hard to live it, because a wise woman once told me that my actions spoke to my children much louder than my words.
    The wondrous part of watching children grow, is that you realize they come into this world with their own way of coping with life. I'd like to believe that I helped mold them, that I guided them in the right direction. In the end, it is theirs.
    Life lessons..... and then life happens.
    Enjoy your daughter.
    PS Olympian thinker.... I'd make that team!!!

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  4. You are definitely a thinker but I do hope you are not stressing too much. I always find writing down the pros and cons of issues is a great help. There is almost a sense of letting go when you are finished writing. A dip in confidence makes us reflect. But think of what you have achieved in terms of your family and business you have so much to be proud of. Kind thoughts Ingrid

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  5. I wish I was one of those people that could just shut my brain off and just "be". I laugh when people talk about meditation ~ I know I would be sitting there thinking about what I needed to do once I finished and that my friend is not what it is all about. So I guess what I am trying to say is I hear you loud and clear ~ I love it when you think though ~ it usually makes me smile when I read it. xo

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  6. Hi Lou. I know exactly what you mean about the thinking. I never stop. Lovely comments on your blog. I too had 4 months out this year on garden leave. It was strange at first and then found I was the happiest and 'most me' I had been in a long time. I hope you find your answers. I feel lucky to have some choices. I am still thinking but have a vague idea of future direction now. In the meantime I am going to have a look at how this organisation might be able to provide some support. I have nothing to do with it- just interested in it and bumped into the owner, Heather Jackson on a train to London. She was pretty inspirational. Hope you find your answers.

    http://www.the-pearls.com

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  7. Dear Lou,
    There is nothing wrong about thinking. I do it too. Being a perfectionist has its price but that´s the way some of us are.
    My advice: accept it but try not to think too much of things that you cannot change. Try not too stress about it. Allow yourself to make mistakes sometimes. We all do!
    I know it is easier said than done but, please, try!
    Warm hug, M xx

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  8. Dear Lou,
    I am so impressed by your last post.I live in Poland , I am just over 40,i've just quit corporate world,i am a mother (boy-13,girl-8),I am at the biginning of my new professional life and I permanently think about my priorities- so I foud your post so familiar.Thank you very much.This is so important and amazing that despite thousands of kilomitters somebody thinks and feel like me.

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  9. Hi Lou, Its good to think things through but not always. It will just keep you stressed out and that's not healthy. Just live life one step at a time. Good vibes!
    care courses

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  10. Hi Lou! I have returned after two year blog break and am so happy this is one of the first blogs I visited. Glad to know I am not alone in Olympic thinking.
    xoxo

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