|via from new york city with love|
My heart is aching today for my boy, whose flying start to his new school has in some ways, been short-lived. His new school is bigger and more challenging; surely good things in the long run, but in the short term I am literally watching him bend his personality to suit it. He is a simple soul and takes life very literally and I wonder how he copes in those school hours, trying to fit in. I find myself wondering whether this 'fitting in' in life is what we all do to some degree? I tell him to be strong and if the popular boys won't play with him, go and make a new friend. But that's easier said than done. At the same time, I empathise; I find myself longing for my old established friends. Being the new school Mum that I should be, is exhausting.
|from anthropologie...via crush cul de sac|
I cling to theories which might fix my problem, which ironically all stem from the idea that my muscles have contracted and become weak, that they need to unclench and to relearn to be normal. Meditation and yoga are considered worthwhile treatment pursuits. I feel like it is a test of my whole temperament; I am so not the type to sit still and meditate. Yet the irony is that it is my very temperament (highly strung, wound up like a coiled spring) that got me into this painful mess in the first place! Life is a journey and this part of the trip is bittersweet. Things have never been so good - opportunities and thoughts abound. I feel like there is so much I could be doing and tackling. Honestly, I am proud of myself for taking the new business plunge, for taking the new school decision for my son, for being active and not passive in our lives.
But the activity causes stress and stress worsens the pain and so on and so on...
The truth is: it's hard. I'm finding it really hard.
|via crush cul de sac|