posted on: Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Maybe...somewhere, there is another me. One of my most precious friends Emma, said she was in the Royal Albert Hall the other night and saw someone just like me. Mannerisms and everything. This leads me to believe that in the city of London there is a version of me whooping up the city life. Instead of rural dog walks, she strides Bond Street. Instead of playing lego with a six year old, she sips lattes and reads the city pages, wondering which fabulous place to frequent for dinner tonight. Instead of doing circuit training with the mummies, she does Ayurveda yoga in an urban bolt-hole. Instead of kissing her 10 year old girl goodnight, she contemplates whether or not having a baby would enhance her life. I hope she's channelling her Alexa Chung and wearing brogues and a satchel, complete with 1980's throw-back irony.

via atlantic pacific
I do wonder sometimes how the life choices I have made have been pre-ordained? As if some cosmic force has kept me in my hometown, married to the boy next door. My children will tread the same steps as I did in my youth and I like that. There is something complete about it. But there will always be a part of me that wonders...what would it have been like if I had taken a different path?

This clearly represents the root of my mid-life crisis; a distinct sense that decisions have been made and now it's down to me to live them. I am completely and entirely comfortable with my life decisions; but the idea that there could be another me, somewhere else, is mind-bending. I hope she's having as nice a time as me!  ;-)

photograph by stephanie rausser


  1. Lovely post, and I love your last sentence and image; says it all. Life is good!!

  2. I too think about what would have happened if I had made different choices along the way. Being childless now ~ what if I had of gotten married earlier ~ would I have teenagers now?? Don't get me wrong ~ I love where I am today and quite enjoyed the ride getting here but it is always nice to sit down and contemplate what if.... xo

  3. It's so funny that you write about doppelgangers because someone said the weirdest thing to me yesterday - I was in court and in private conference the judge told me that I was a spitting image of ... wait for it ... his NINE YEAR OLD NIECE! I mean, what can you say to that?? But anyway.

    I do often mull over life choices and how my life might have turned out had I done anything even slightly differently, but I am so, so glad that I didn't because everything, even all the mistakes and things I probably could have handled better led me right to where I am now, and I wouldn't change that for the world :)

    Have a great Easter, Lou. xox

  4. I have come to the conclusion that I am not a deep thinker Lou .... I don't think that, in all of my years, I have ever wondered what my life would have been like had I chosen a different path ( maybe that's slightly untrue .... it possibly popped into my brain once or twice and I pushed it aside !!). I have always held the philosophy of 'don't ever look back' so I guess that this pondering has not really cropped up for me......not that it's wrong if it has. If we had travelled a different path, we would question that too, I suppose.
    I am sure that your 'other self' is having a great time .... she is probably getting ready to open her next 'Apothecary' store in Bond Street as we speak although, that will be happening soon in your 'this life' !!
    Maybe though, our other lives are the complete opposite to the one that we live in this one .... sorry Lou, I have gone on too much....I'll stop now and just finish by saying that I loved this post .... you sound very happy and content and that's one of the best things that we can hope to get out of life. XXXX

  5. I think about that all the time. One of my favorite songs by Dave Matthews Band is "Could I Have Been." The whole concept is what you could have been instead...I LOVE my life. But I certainly wonder all the time...had I been brought up with less contraints and more options, what could I have been?

  6. I've been thinking about that a lot, but life has some big things coming for me at the moment, and big changes on the horizon and I think that is what is prompting those thoughts.

    I've made mistakes, and some very poor decisions, but in general, in the big picture, I am happy with my life. I guess that is all we can ask for?

  7. What a thoughtful post. You've got me thinking. When I was twenty-two I broke off a long engagement to a sweet guy that my family loved, and headed to Los Angeles to be with the 'bad boy' that I was still crazy about after a tumultuous affair. Was it a gamble? Absolutely. But twenty-five years later he's still the man of my dreams. All I knew at the time, was that I never wanted to look back and wonder, "what if?"
    Leslie (aka Gwen Moss blog)

  8. Dear Lou,
    Me too, I can´t help thinking: "what if...?", "what if I hadn´t moved North and had stayed in my home country? Sometimes I get nostalgic about that and the feeling of getting old in a foreign country scares me a bit. Other times though I like it here very much. I think it was the right choice at least when I made it. Loved your post! Have a wonderful Easter. Warm hug, M.

  9. I love your post! I've been thinking about that lately as well. I would trade my shoes for yours right now. I would say if giving up my 'fancy life' to be an at home with my love ones and with my art would be worth it!

  10. There is only one you Lou, always remember that LOL!!!

    Like Jackie, I have never wondered what I might have been if I'd taken a different path....but this post did make me smile.

    Maybe my other self, should she exist, is happily married to George Clooney-Patrick Dempsey and living in the south of France with four children ;) Or maybe that's just my dream self :) XX