Letter to myself...

Dear Louise,

This life balance you're trying to find...I'm not sure it's ever going to stay for long. It is like an elusive will'o-the-wisp; just when you think you have it all figured out, you realise (usually too late) that in fact it's no more pinned down than a feather on the breeze. Just let it go.

photograph by natasha

All that musing over whether you care what people think: accept that you do. At the very core of you is a thing called pride and you care what people think of you because their disapproval chips away at your pride. You pride yourself on all sorts of abstract things; you build lists of things, always adding to it, never taking away. These range from manners to home tidiness to integrity to good hair - none of which are possible to maintain all of the time!

This new-found selfishness you've developed; it's been a long time coming. But know the flip side: sometimes being selfish leads to conflict and you should consider whether it's worth it. Putting yourself first is, in the modern age, deemed to be the 'right' thing. Look after number one. But putting yourself first means others may suffer along the way. This will make your heart ache in a way you had not expected. Either learn to live with the ache or reconsider your selfish urges.

photograph by natasha

Your bittersweet sentimentality is your strength and your downfall in one. Those rose-tinted spectacles make you fiercely protective of your past, your history and those who played a role in it. But this nostalgic view of life may hold you back. You must learn to embrace change! Your encyclopedic memory of events is useful when the need to recall a little-known but well-remembered conversational point arises, but otherwise it serves to clog up your everyday with memories. Let those memories be infused with new stuff; it will make them richer and it's OK to let them live in the background.

photograph by natasha

No, you are not as skinny as you used to be. Who is?! A strong, healthy body is better than a body that weighs what you feel it should. This is hard for you to accept as you've always been slim with no effort. This is what is making the effort doubly hard now; you feel your body has changed without your permission. I have a feeling that happens a lot as we grow older; an unalterable fact of life.

Cherish your best friend. She's brought more to your life than even you can admit.

Love Lou x