Self-conscious...

posted on: Monday, 27 February 2012

Whilst with good friends on Friday night, the topic of social media came up, as it often does. It seems that there are two distinct camps; those who 'get' social media and those who don't. Those who do are willing to embrace the many choices: from facebook to tumblr, twitter to pinterest. Those who don't are adopting a Luddite* pose and staunchly refuse to accept that there is any value in the world to these pursuits. My husband (whom we have established from the last post does rock my world) occasionally gets boastful of my blog and blurts out its existence. Now, I mentioned that we were with good friends; as in established, trusted, go-on-holiday-with-each-other friends. Yet I was mortified he had made my secret blog known. The conversation passed off and of course, I probably made more of it than they did. 'What? Your write a blog? What for?! Where is it?' followed by lots of mumbling on my part.

via crush cul de sac
It leaves me though with the disquiet that I have been found out. This self-imposed secrecy is curious. Why would I be so hesitant for friends to know what I write about? Especially the friends that I probably see most of; the school mums. This group, who have become quite crucial in my day to day life, who have welcomed me in, in my time of need. Yet I keep this from them. I conclude that it must be my own fear of judgement that stops me sharing what I do. And the most curious thing is that I am happy to share my innermost thoughts with complete strangers on the web, but would not with people I see every day. How very odd. I spent all weekend trying to work out why I feel the way I do and can find no sensible reason for any of it!

I shall give it some more thought...as that is what I like to do.

I have the urge to spring clean at the moment, as the first trappings of a new season start to show themselves. Carpets of snowdrops and early bulbs poking through. I read once that planting bulbs is like having money in the bank and I always liked that analogy.

via secret day dream
Everything has taken on a slower pace, given that exams are over and work is a secondary thought. Our home has become our family cave and we spent the weekend pottering, leaving only to walk the pup.

Meanwhile my lovely sister in law thinks that I should give it all up and start an apothecary. 'Lou's Apothecary'. This is because I am making my own soap powder (I have now started using Geranium oil in it and it smells DIVINE). I also started making my own facial oil out of Rosehip oil, mixed with other oils, like Ylang-ylang (I promise I am not a closet bohemian, or am I?) Maybe this is my future calling?!

I guess the point of this ramble is that everyone has their bag of tricks; mine contains a secret blog and a propensity to make my own smelly stuff and store it in pretty glass jars on my larder shelf. Each to their own...

via this etsy shop...infusion

* how rarely does one get to use the word 'Luddite' - see, I did learn something in A-level history!

18 comments:

  1. Oh Lou,
    The same thing happened to me on Friday. You can imagine that, at my age, there are many of my friends of the same age, who will not even TRY to use a mobile phone let alone a computer !!!!
    I was in the pub with friends on Friday and somehow it slipped out that I had a blog. One friend said 'Why do you do it ? I don't understand !! Well, I tried to explain that I want to keep up with modern technology, it keeps my brain active etc. etc, but, I was banging my head against a brick wall !! Not all of my friends are like that but, I do tend to keep my blog to myself as, when I tell anyone they love to 'take the mick' !!
    I think that, in answer to the question of why do we share our innermost secrets with strangers and not with those we see everyday, I always think that it's so much easier to tell things to those who are not really involved. It's helpful to get things off of your chest but with no repercussions and people that you know, judging you.
    Your homemade treats sound divine and maybe, when your children are grown and have left home, leading their own lives, that might be the time to start making it a little business !! There, I've sorted your old age out for you !!
    Keep enjoying pottering with your family snd have a good week. XXXX

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  2. My blog is also a secret from my real-life friends. There's no reason for it to be really as I never write anything overly personal on there or anything that I wouldn't actually tell them anyway. I guess I just like having a space that's just for me that I won't get asked about or even judged on. I do often wonder though whether any of my friends are secret bloggers too. Surely I can't be the only one.

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  3. I think if you reveal a lot of yourself on your blog then you know that blog friends will be interested and helpful but from a distance, they won't want to discuss it at the school gate or bring it up in some real-life scenario that you might find uncomfortable. It is uncomplicated in comparison to enlightening neighbours and friends involved in your daily life.

    I haven't yet revealed anything I would be uncomfortable to discuss in my real daily life, so I don't feel too bothered about real friends knowing although I am aware they might think it is a bit bonkers or self obsessed, but you know what, since hitting 40, I really don't care too much what people think, I am what I am! If friends judge you for something entirely harmless that you choose to do creatively it really is their problem, isn't it?

    If your friends do see your blog, they will be totally impressed, I am sure of that.

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  4. My blog is also anonymous as I live in Ireland and it is such a small place. I like to be able to exspress my thoughts and feel that people reading have an open mind. I suppose we portray an image at the school gates or in the gym that maybe does not allow people know our true feelings and ourblog allows us express our thoughts, opinions and inner most thoughts free from gossip.

    I think your blog is very much from the heart and I hope this will not make you afraid to exspress the real you. It is one of my daily treats.

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  5. My blog is a secret as well, except to my boyfriend of course. Without him, I wouldn't be able to keep everything up and running half the time. I know I can bounce inspiration I have off of him and he let's me know if it makes sense or not! I feel like we keep it secret to protect ourselves from the judgement of close friends, or at least I do! I love your blog very much though and feel like you're doing a great job!

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  6. It's funny, isn't it? I feel exactly the same way and yet I'm not sure why. My sisters read and like my blog, and I have a couple friends who do as well. But it's not something I actively publicize. Perhaps I'm afraid some of my friends may fall into that "don't get social media" camp and judge me for spending time keeping up a blog.

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  7. I feel as you do re the secrecy of blogging. I am very curious about your desire to make your own lotions and potions, this sounds very interesting and something you should expand on, where did you learn to do this? The new Liz Earle!!

    Happy New Week.
    xx

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  8. I love your blog, and stand by your secrecy, a lot of my friends don't know I blog either, my reasoning is I don't tell them about the blog because I tell them in person, but I share your fears.

    I want your home made soaps, like stat :)

    Tab

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  9. Hello, Lou
    I don´t have a blog myself but agree with what the other girls. Your blog is your secret place and that is ok, I think. Sometimes you need to have a secret place. People close to you can often be judgemental instead of only observing...
    I like the "Lou´s Apothecary". It seems like a great idea to me. Warm hug, M

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  10. I know exactly what you mean, I feel the exact same way about my blog. I hate to bring it up to people, but my husband, who is also quite proud of it, likes to tell everybody about it. and then I end up embarrassed and mumbling about how "it's no big deal, just a fun creative outlet"... at least I'm in good company, I suppose!

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  11. I have thought about this "secrecy" also. I'm not sure if it's because we really put ourselves "out there" when we blog, and that it turn can also make us feel very vulnerable. In some instances it's like publicising your diary with your inner-most thoughts and feelings of the time.

    I too have lots of friends that just don't social media, and that's fine, but it does grate my nerves when they "poo-poo" all aspects of social media without ever having tried it :-(

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  12. I have not shared my blog with many of my friends but I do have the link to it on my facebook page, so I suppose it is not hidden per say but I don't post other than on twitter when I have a new post. Maybe it's because some find it frivolous and make fun of them but I love putting a post together ~ it's creative for me. The best part ~ I have met so many amazing people by blogging including you sweet friend.

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  13. i just do love you from one sweet blog friend to another...regardless of who knows we write what...

    I'm not missing our on your musing- and that's all that matters to me...

    Melissa xx

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  14. Love that your husband blurted it out :) thats cute! but i know what you mean...i hardly ever talk about mine to any of my "real life" friends. its weird isnt it.

    ill email you for a lil catch up tomorrow :) x

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  15. My blog is very much my own private thing. Most of my friends don't visit it regularly at all...and I like it that way - it's my little world:) Keep up the secrecy! x

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  16. I am so proud of my blog and don't mind people knowing about it. But the people that don't get blogging definitely make me feel self conscious. I wish I could just get over that and shout about it loud and proud!

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  17. Your blog is wonderful! I like it! Please, ave a look on my blog..

    Stylekultur.blogspot.com

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  18. You know it's funny ... all of my friends know I have a blog and they are the last people to actually read it. Funny huh?

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