Now, a few months down the line, things are the same. Despite everything I have learned about this pain and how up-close-and-personal I was to it, its return has thrown me completely. Its effect far-reaching. It makes me wonder whether life has a way of giving us challenges and then spaces in between where the challenges are conquered. I wish I had the faith and humility to see that everything is temporary and this too shall pass. But of course my inquisitive mind is asking 'why?' and questioning everything I did and am doing to ascertain the cause and cure.
Maybe sometimes the body is just not a happy camper? But I regard my peers, some of whom have no pain and others who have lots and consider how strange it is that we live this way. Part of living with pain, at least for me, is the fact that so much of the cause is this modern existence we favour. Computer use, poor posture, driving for hours a day, not enough muscle movement. Processed foods, not drinking enough water. Watching the news. (Seriously? Utterly depressing at every news item). Money. Work. BUILDERS! I need to make a life study in looking onwards and upwards! Yet so many of these things are hard to change, at least in the short term. Unless we completely check out and decide to spend our time paddle-boarding the Amazon or climbing Kilimanjaro!
The irony is, with the type of pain I suffer with, being an intense thinker can make it worse! Serious people get serious pain. Hah. Really gotta look on the bright side...
Meanwhile I revert back to the Alexander Technique lessons and the yoga. I try not to think too much about it. I instead look at new clothes and new friends and try to float past it all. Better when the sun shines or when I get a really good night's sleep or when I laugh with old buddies who make me forget all about it. Or smile as I drive my children to school and my son, when learning it is the 1st October, started planning what his Christmas morning will look like. '6am start, make a cappuccino (whaat?! I think he means warm, frothy milk drink), admire my wrapped presents, put Christmas cartoons on TV and wait for everyone else to wake up.' Really? Oh to nine years old and that carefree!
I wrangle a lot with the need to balance lightness and happiness in this writing space and with being honest about what is happening in my life. Always, truth wins over as that is how life goes. So for now...today, I shall try to channel this sentiment: